Evolution and Lifestyle Changes

I posted this in Richard's Clubhouse earlier today, but I think it may be blog worthy too. I am shortening the names (except for Richard) to protect the identity of those involved.

(((((M-)))))

You are experiencing exactly what every one of is is. You're definitely not alone.

The bottom line is that we all know "what" to do. The problem is that we don't know "how" to do it. The "how" is the lifestyle change. It is slow, it is difficult, and then when you finally get your house in order, your lifestyle such that you have adapted and are doing well at experiences something new. Something happens that rocks the boat and you have to figure out how to do it all over again. It's really hard.

Just keep coming around and chipping away at the change, one small step at a time. For me, I'm having tremendous difficulty even eating regularly let alone with health and weight maintenance/loss in mind right now. My lifestyle has changed radically to being a care-taker, something that I have done before, but never on this level. Coming here and talking about it instead of keeping it buried at home is a huge lifestyle change, and difficult for me. I haven't even begun to tell you-all what's really going on here in an all-encompassing way, but you know a little of it and that's a bigger deal than you can understand.

You can do it too. Just focus on the small stuff; the things that are easily achieved right now, and don't take too many of them on at once. Do them one at a time, and feel successful. As you accomplish the easy stuff, the harder things become easier because you don't have all the other things cluttering up "how" to deal with them. They later become small steps too. Starting off on this program and lifestyle change is a big emotional deal and most of us feel good when we begin. Then the real job becomes evident and we are way less excited. Those of us who stick at it evolve and become successful, each in our own time frame. Evolution, that's what it's really about, not burning down the house and finishing the task in one fast step.

Thank you for making your post. It's good to write this down and remember it myself as I am working my way through a myriad of crises, only some of which anyone here - even Richard - know about. Evolution. I remind myself too. The situation is evolving, and as it evolves, if I keep at it, I will evolve too and know what to do. The truth is, I already do know what I need to do on a practical level and I know how to do it too.

On an emotional level, I know what I need to do... establish emotional equilibrium again so that I can get closer to a healthy lifestyle. I'm not sure how to do it yet, but I will keep talking to you-all, to my real life friends (they are all aware of my weight and maintenance issues, despite Richard's accusations last night that we keep it a secret although I used to... goodness knows I used to think nobody knew - lol! ), my Therapist, Eric, and even Richard if he has time to listen.

The good news is that as I tackle the easy stuff... getting Anne into the home and Miles diagnosed and I need to talk to the vet about Sunny and I will shoot off an e-mail of desperation to my doctors shortly and will then go visit Anne to see what havoc that stupid nursing home is wreaking upon her life today, and then tonight, it's obedience school with Lucy and I will relax afterward by working on the medicine pouch again rather than a client commitment because not having the pressures of meeting client expectations but only working on something to please myself is what I need at the moment. I will take my sleeping medications early, and maybe even talk to my internist or get an appointment with him to discuss if there is another alternative that is stronger and will keep me asleep. All of this can be accomplished today.

Tomorrow, if I can keep the emotions out if it will be easy too. The movers are coming to take Anne's furniture to her new home. I will start the process of sorting through everything she owns, beginning with what was moved so that she cannot stop me after she is moved into her new home, and when that is done, finish up with the things left behind at her old apartment. I will change my Therapist appointment to hopefully Thursday so that I do not have to rush with the movers. See, again nothing is that daunting if I keep it simple.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Visit Anne. Work on her new apartment and her old if the timing is such. Walk the dogs. Hopefully get some kind of response from at least one of my doctors. Chances are at least my Internist will respond. Being very VERY good but not famous on a world-class level, he is more likely to listen, even if he cannot help, but he will try to help too.

Talk to my Therapist and see if he can actively intervene with my other doctors again to try and get them moving. Thank goodness I never gave him up as I became emotionally healthy. In fact, he's probably as valuable to me now as he has ever been in this whole process. He's less of a Therapist than a counselor and advocate at this point, helping me face down great unknowns and changes that scare me to death, and keeping me from saying or doing anything impulsive that will not be good for me until we hash it out and are sure of what direction I want to go in. I often wait when things with especially Eric pop up. I would have fled that relationship long before now if it hadn't been for my Therapist, and in Eric, I have found something really special and rare that I would be an absolute fool to give up.

Again, it's easy. Overwhelming when I look at it on a whole, but broken down step by step, not that big a deal. My client will wait. Anne's old apartment will wait. I can do this.

And for my eating? For just right now, I am officially declaring myself on vacation from program. I will eat what is available when it's available and make the best choices I can at the times that I am presented with them. If that means eating a lot of restaurant food and gaining a few more pounds in the next week, or grabbing crap from the market (I still refuse to go back to fast food), so be it. Maybe after the Anne and Miles thing are settled next week, I will be able to focus more on my eating. But right now, worrying about that is cluttering bigger issues that cannot wait.

Thank you M- for asking the question. I hope that you don't mind that I not only tried to respond to you, but tried to work out my own life for the next week at the same time. Maybe it will even be of help to you... who knows?

What I know for sure is that real life always comes back after the excitement - good or bad - passes and that's when the real work is done.

28 Posts in 28 Days; today is day 23.