Wednesday, March 2, 2011


As the world turns, my issue isn't so great.  I have a deadline.  It's less than a week away.

I have a set of colors.  I though I wasn't going to make the deadline because of a shortage in a particular set of 24 kt gold beads.  But my 100 gram refill arrived today, just as I was running out of the old batch.

Instead, I am at risk not only because of my constantly busy schedule, but also because it's hard to match colors at night.  Even with an Ott light, what I am seeing visually is not the same as during the day.  Forget what the package says.  The colors are different.

Now, I started choosing out yet another set of colors for the next part of my super-secret project this afternoon.  I'm going to go look at them again, and hope that what I remembered in the light of day translates to the darkest of evenings.  I will make up the part again in the new colors, and see what it looks like tomorrow morning.

Fortunately, this particular project is made in pieces which will be linked together.  If the next set of two don't work by the light of day either, at least I'll have yet another set of earrings.

Yes, there is always a silver lining. Not that any of the beads I've used thus far are lined in silver...

Last weekend, I was fortunate enough to have my friends over for a Spin-in and Crafting day. The house that I live in with my new family is transitioning from just a house into a home. A place where we can gather in peace and tranquility to pursue our passion in love and support.


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Living in a Glass House

I live in a glass house.  Every one of us does.

My glass house allows the sunlight and fresh air to come inside.  My windows are clean, as is my house, metaphorically speaking as well as for real (at least since we got the housekeepers - lol!).  My house allows me to see things as they really are.  While there are always issues, my life fundamentally is good and my house is beautiful.

My glass house is blessed with many good friends as well as a loving family, some of whom spent the whole day with me just last Sunday.

Sure, sometimes a stone is thrown at or in my house, and a part of it breaks.  Picking up the pieces is a difficult task, and I am often cut by the shards.  But the foundation of my house is strong, really strong.  I know who I am, and I know where I am going.  All things are possible if I work very hard to keep moving towards that which seems impossible. I have learned over the years when to strive for things on my own and when to ask for help.  That's how I have come so far as I have, and why I will achieve beyond what anyone ever expected me to be capable of even a couple of years ago.

When stones are cast at my house, it's usually a sign of emotional turmoil, mental anguish on the part of those who cast them.  They are living in glass homes too, but can't see or accept reality because their windows are so dirty that they are obstructed beyond usefulness.  They don't know what's real versus what's in their own imaginations anymore.  They can't see the world outside of themselves.

I'm sorry for them... my heart aches on their behalf.  But I will never, and I mean NEVER allow myself to be sucked into anybody's chaos again to the point that I am personally stalled out.  Be it family members or friends, I will only journey so far when others are so wrapped up in their own selves and circumstances to such a degree that they prefer having a pity party than cleaning their glass. 

I lost a couple of friends in the last two days.  I've never been so relieved in my life.  I loved them like family and I suppose I always will.  But they have dragged me down for months with vicious attacks, disparagement, back stabbing, and then turning around and clawing at me to try and support them.   I am finally at a place where I know that I can not and WILL not be all things to all people.  I will be more careful in selecting friends in the future, and while I will always be there for everyone who I love and loved, I will not allow that attendance to make me less than what I am or am capable of becoming.  Never again.

Friends come and go in one's lives.  I've had and lost friends before and I've always survived.  I've left friends behind as I've grown and grown up.  Friends left me too as they've either grown beyond me and my abilities, or have fallen back into old habits and attitudes.  I admire the former, pity the latter.

I will always remember the good times and appreciate all of my relationships, even those that ended on bad terms.  I've learned from all my friends and family, and I choose to love them for what they have provided.  I also choose, over the long term not to hold onto the hurt once the relationship ends.

And most important of all, no matter what my thoughts and feelings, I will always be open and honest about them.  My glass house does not only allow me to see outside, but lets others see inside of me too. Yes, as I've said to the kids in my own home (Garrett) on more than one occasion (Garrett), glass works in both directions.

Like surgery, the anticipation of losing these friendships was worse than the actual event.  I've dreaded what happened in the last 24 hours and lived in fear of it for months, but it's finally over and I can move on.  I know that every friend that is lost, there is always somebody else to fill the void.  Somebody who is in the same emotional and developmental place as me now, who can share experiences and laugh and love and grow right along with me. 

Yes, stones were thrown at my glass house, and those who threw the stones damaged it badly.  Fortunately, though, the foundation of my house is so strong that nothing can bring it down.  I am already rebuilding what was broken, and it will be even more beautiful and substantial than what preceded it.

Photographs "borrowed" mostly  from

The Philip Johnson Glass House Blog

A National Trust Historic Site dedicated to the preservation of modern architecture, landscape, and art honoring the legacy of Philip Johnson and David Whitney.

Also borrowed from The Beebonnet Report (thank you Janel for the lovely post about Madrona!)


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