Saturday, August 4, 2007


I actually started today's blog posting last night, but discarded it a little while ago. Having had a bad reaction to an inject able med during a routine test - this on top of starting another inject able earlier in the week which also has made me feel lousy, I was in a bad state of mind.

Additionally, it seems that lately, everyone wants a piece of me. "Do this, do that!" they all suggest to me, not understanding that I am running on empty. I remember the time that nobody knew that I existed, and don't want to send these people away. But I was at my wits end, and probably even more emotional than usual last night because of the drugs.

I wasn't much better when I got up this morning. I really thought about not going to exercise class. But in the end, habit won over desire. I got myself out of bed, showered, dressed, and put on full make up. Threw my jewelry case into the car. And backed out of my parking space to go to Slimmons. And then it happened.
A loud bang from the left front of my car. And a screeching noise. The car shuttered and felt like it was being drug over boulders. I stopped, got out, and took a look. I had blown a tire.

Quickly deciding not to change it myself, I called AAA. They gave me their standard "We'll be there in 30 minutes." line; I begged them to come sooner, figuring that they could put the spare on my car and I would still have time to make it to class. Also, I was blocking traffic in my condo's driveway.

I was in luck. My neighborhood is densely packed with condominiums and apartment buildings, so service companies in my area - like AAA - are notoriously busy and slow to respond. But I'd called before the Saturday morning rush. AAA was here in less than 10 minutes!

Then, catastrophe. They looked at my spare. It was flat. Oy.

"Ivan" suggested that he could blow up the tire so I can go buy replacements, but since the spare had little wear, there was probably something seriously wrong with it and he'd recommend me being towed instead. He also recommended a discount tire place right up the street. Since I've had singularly bad luck with Costco tires, I agreed.

We pulled into the discount tire place; negotiated a price for the replacement, and with something actionable on my plate, I started feeling less sorry for myself. Begged them to do what needed to be done in a hurry so I could still make it to part of my class. And they did! The entire transaction to replace both front tires cost $270 (Goodyear tires), but was complete from start to finish in about 15 minutes. And off to class I drove.

Now I had time to digest this morning's events. I was shattered again, at the thought of yet another large sum of money going out the door. I've been hit with some very large expenses in the past ten days, none of them controllable by me. I again debated skipping class and just going home. And I looked at my watch and realized that, although I would likely miss all of Richard's Project Me class, I could still easily make it to the exercise portion. And knowing that if I went home, things wouldn't get any better and I would probably spend the day eating, I kept on driving.

Surprisingly, I got to Slimmons at about 11 am, 15 minutes before Project Me ended. That class most often consists of three parts... individual discussion with Richard, "homework" which consists of a question that Richard asks the group to respond - in writing - to and then reads the responses to the whole, and then a lecture or sermon about the point that he is trying to make. I don't know what he had the class write about, but the lecture was on "Enough."

He talked about people who come into his life and drone on and on and on about their problems. He is very generous with his time, and has made a career out of listening to to those who are ignored, helping them take action with their problems. But even he has his limits. "Enough," he said. "When there's somebody in your life who is draining your resources and is beyond hope, it's time to say enough."

I needed to hear that this morning. I've been having trouble with time management lately anyway. And all my friends calling and calling and calling. I'd been wondering how Richard handled that in his life. And then I thought, "Enough." Enough of the self-pity for this go-around. Yes, I have bad health issues and good reason to feel sorry for myself, but dwelling on it will only make me bitter. "Enough." Yes, I am distracted from my business-at-hand by friends and loved ones who call and call and call, but how lucky am I to have them? I remember a time when nobody gave a damn about me. "Enough."

And I picked up my reserves, and when Richard announced it was time to get on our feet and dance, I did so to the best of my ability. I ended up sitting out about a third of the class and not feeling very well for another third, but during the part that I was moving, S-, a medical doctor at Cedars Sinai and student of Richard, told me how much she admired me for persevering and coming to class no matter what. And B- asked me if I had my jewelry with me (good stroke of fortune that I threw it in the trunk of my car this morning!) and made arrangements to buy a piece as soon as class ended. And W- asked me to interceded with Richard on her behalf during class and paid me a high compliment indeed, thinking that I worked for him.

Enough. Sometimes you have to say it about and to people who drag you down. And sometimes you have to say it to yourself. Enough. You have to put your problems aside and just keep on keepin' on. Because by doing so, you open yourself up to all sorts of other possibilities. Enough is enough.

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