Friday, October 24, 2008

Pushing It

I'm pushing it. Although there's no question at this point that I am getting better, I am incredibly fatigued at almost all points during the day. I barely can get myself out of bed in the morning; and am even too tired to do mundane things like brush my teeth or eat breakfast once I do. When I'm not interested in food, all is not right with the world.

On the other hand, once I do force myself into motion, I kind of work like a flywheel. The energy from that initial push forces me to keep moving and get at least a certain number of tasks done in a day. Once the energy is spent, I drop into bed like a boulder (I'd say a rock but the collapse is more profound than that), and all I am good for is maybe watching some TV. But at least there is a lot of good things to view right now. This presidential campaign, no matter who's side you are on, has been the most entertaining thing I've ever seen. Good stuff... thank you gentlemen and lady.

Last night, I made my way to Slimmons for exercise class. The motion of the flywheel already was slowing down upon arrival and I questioned my sanity for taking it on. But surprisingly, I was able to do 3 or 4 songs before settling down in a seat to watch the rest of class. I was a bit fuzzy in the head; my clasmates noticed and worried and helped me on those occasions that I needed to move.

I'm not sure what was going on. I attributed it to not having eaten enough before attending, and that is a real possibility. Paula was a doll and found/produced three snyder's pretzel rods and one stick of red licorice. You know that I am grasping at straws when I actually ate red. I didn't really feel any better after eating, but I lied and said I did because they all looked so worried. But after making my way to my car and driving through the canyon, I stopped off at Ralph's Market and bought, amongst a few other staple things, some sushi. I do admit to a small surge of energy after eating that. Enough to make it home on.

I'm worried. Is this fatigue a result of disease? Is it a result of medication? Is it just a part of recovery and because this go-around was so different than anything that I've experienced, so is the recovery? Or is something else going on that nobody's diagnosed?

For the time being, I'm just going to keep pushing the envelope. I have a list of tasks that I want to get done every day. For a normal person, they would not be all that challenging but for me... I don't complete them. I do accomplish some of it, though, and some of it is way better than a couple months ago. Then, all I could do is lay in bed, 24/7.

1 comment:

Ang said...

I wondered if you did make it last night to slimmons. But I've found myself doing the same as you since coming home, and pushing myself daily.

My thoughts are with you

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