Splendor Up Your Ass aka Splendid at Sea aka Splendor without Gas

I wasn't going to write about it. Really. Richard's Cruise To Lose, next year, is going to be aboard this very boat. He was excited to announce it; happy that the Splendor was a brand new ship that his students would travel on. And then last week, an engine fire incapicated it and left everyone aboard drifting in the Pacific Ocean, no power, no water, no lights, no food. No food. NO FOOD.

Even then, I didn't say a word. I laughed like crazy, living the adventure these poor folk were forced to endure from my not-so-great home, but one in which I can go get food if necessary. I laughed with Eric, I speculated what Richard would be doing if this trip was his CTL trip, instead of almost a year in the future. But I kept my mouth shut.

But then, two nights ago, Eric & I watched a newscast that was so incredibly funny, even as it was pathetic, that I started writing and writing and writing and I realized that the post was too long and although it was funny ( I know funny when I see it), it wasn't worth the space I was allocating to it. So I'm going to simply state what is on my mind about the Spendor and Richard's Cruise To Lose and what has kept me in stitches for the past couple of days.

"Conditions on board the ship are very challenging and we sincerely apologize for the discomfort and inconvenience our guests are currently enduring," said company president Gerry Cahill.

The U.S. Navy sent an aircraft carrier out to the Spendor to provide food for the passengers.  Because of the power failure, all the food on board had spoiled.  Reports told of passengers waiting in line for two hours to receive their sea rations.   And what did those rations consist of?

1.  Canned Crab Meat.

2.  Spam.

3.  Croissants.

4.  Pop Tarts. 

Which brings to mind only two questions.

1.)  How, exactly, do you account for these foods on Richard's food mover?  (What would Richard have his students do in such a situation?) and

2.)   Pop Tarts come in 28 flavors.  Which one goes best with crab meat and spam?

Frosted flavor

• Peanut Butter and Jelly
• Apple Strudel
• Frosted Blueberry
• Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon
• Frosted Cherry
• Chocolate Chip
• Chocolate Banana Split
• Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
• Frosted Chocolate Fudge
• Cinnamon Roll
• Frosted Wild Watermelon
• Frosted Wild Berry
• Frosted Cookies & Cream
• Ginger Bread
• Wild Tropical Blast
• Hot Fudge Sundae
• Frosted Raspberry
• S'Mores
• Frosted Strawberry
• Frosted Strawberry Milkshake
• Vanilla Milkshake
• Ice Creme Sandwich
• Frosted Wildberry
• Blueberry Muffin
• Cookies 'N Creme
• Wild Grape (Newest)

Unfrosted

Smart Tarts

• Blueberry
• Strawberry
• Brown Sugar Cinnamon
• Icy Cold Polar
• Wild Berry

Pop-Tarts Splitz

• Chocolate Vanilla
• Strawberry Blueberry
• Chocolate Strawberry
• Maple Brown Sugar
• Strawberry Lemonade

Limited edition

• Dulce De Leche (2008–Present)
• Guava Mango (2008–Present)
• Chocolate Banana Split (2009–Present)
• Orange Cream (2009–Present)
• Blueberry Muffin (2009–Present)
• Pumpkin Pie (Autumn 2010)
• Gingerbread (Every Christmas)

Printed Fun

• Knock Knock Jokes Frosted Berry Who?
• Barbie Sparkleberry
• Barbie Wildberry
• Hot Wheels Cinna-Match 1 Brown Sugar Cinnamon
• American Idol Blue Raspberry
• Indiana Jones Brown Sugar Cinnamon
• NFL Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon
• Pictionary
• Nix Family Laffy Taffy Flavors
• Nascar Brown Sugar Cinnamon
• Super Silly Berry Delight

Whole grain

• Strawberry
• Brown Sugar Cinnamon
• Chocolate Fudge
• Blueberry

• Wild Berry (Frosted)
• Cherry Berry Rick Pip
• Whole grain

Flavors in the UK

• Chocotastic
• Strawberry Sensation

Discontinued

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• Dutch Apple
• Chocolate Vanilla Creme
• Pancake Syrup blueberry (German)
• My Goodness Cherry
• Frosted Grape
• Frosted Wild Watermelon
• Hot Chocolate
• French Toast
• Wild Tropical Blast
• Frosted Caramel Chocolate
• Frosted Double Berry
• Mint Chocolate Chip*
• Low Fat Frosted Chocolate Fudge
• Piña Colada
• Disney Princess Jewelberry
• Hello Kitty Meowberry
• Vanilla
• Wild Magic Burst
• Unfrosted Cherry
• Apple Cinnamon
• Strawberry Cheese Danish
• Chocolate Graham Cracker