Sunday, November 7, 2010

Creative Focus

"And what, exactly, were you doing on Skype at 5:30 this morning?" asked Eric when we finally awoke for good at 9.  "Talking to Claudia. (1)" I responded.  "I had a headache, got up to take some Tylenol, then checked my e-mail and FB while waiting for it to take effect.  Claudia (2) forgot that 1. We're 3 hours earlier than her, and 2.) Daylight Savings Time had ended!"  Of course, I had to answer the Skype Bell when it rang.  Claudia, of all people, has proven herself an amazing friend.  We always have things to say.
Why do I continue to turn out sideways when this pic,in Laura's computer, is right side up?


Now Eric & the kids are off at Ian's Birthday party for the Movie Portion.  I have begged off, heading down to Torrance for the Southern California Handweaver's Guild Fiber Festival and will join them later for lunch.  I have connections to re-establish, Guinea Pigs to potentially place (I'll tell the story of the X-Box and the Guinea Pigs later...  all I can say is that I will miss the little guys terribly, the X-box not so much), and maybe a little shopping to do.  I want to announce, verbally only, the opening of my new office.  More on that later too.  And most of all, I want to find me again.

Reconnecting with my creative friends is a critical step towards returning to myself.  With all the craziness around me, with all the duplicity and not knowing who I can and cannot trust anymore, I know without a doubt that I can trust Claudia, I can trust Richard (who had some secret and unsolicited advice for me yesterday that shocked me - that he would actually say it, not the viewpoint itself - I had already decided on myself anyway but hearing him offer the same makes me more confident in my decision) and many of the good people at  Slimmons, and I can trust my Artisan friends who turned out in force at our Wedding Reception even as I had been out of contact for so many months. And finally, my new friends at BILY, who have been supporting Eric as a single father of four in under circumstances that I thought I understood but realized that nobody really could "get" until they've lived with them themselves, and have been incredibly supportive even as I have not been consistent at attending meetings or in my responses to them.

Thanks to good friends who helped put our house in good enough order that I can now have people over, it's time to start entertaining.  It's time for smiles instead of my constant flow of tears.  It's time to create, both objects of beauty as well as a happy home, to reinvent myself in my new circumstances instead of being destructive all the time and mourning the old situation.  It's time to get back to my former self who not only others liked, but I liked too.  If I look at my life objectively instead of through the eyes of somebody so tired I can hardly function, living here is actually good.  And it's getting better.  Thanks to the loving support of Eric who is now providing the things I need (cleaning service, an office to get away to), I know I can achieve balance again.

It's good to find some focus.

(1)  Claudia's personal Blog attached.
(2)  Claudia's Yoga Blog Attached.

2 comments:

Ang said...

hey babe..congrats on me time..you deserve it..and you know I'm becoming a hard advocate for it.

enjoy your quietness, your office, and your productivity

thinking of you..

Claudia said...

Sorry about the 5:30 am Skype. I really forgot about both the time difference and the whole spring forward, fall back thing. I hope I didn't bother Eric.

This post makes me very happy.

I love you,
Claudia

ps-always listen to Richard. He's so smart. :) :)

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