Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas, Last Year and This, Part 1

At 8 am last year, I was laying in my bed, contemplating how long it was safe to lay there before the dogs would start bothering me, wanting to be fed, put out, played with. Lucy was brand new to my home, I was living in my condo. Alone. I rolled over, still 1/2 asleep, grabbed the TV remote, and immediately found a stupid Christmas Parade. I did the obvious thing. Rolled over, leaving the TV on to act as a sedative, and went back to sleep.

Knock! Knock! Knock! at our bedroom door this year. Miles. I started laughing, Eric not so much. "When are we going to open up our Christmas Presents?" I heard in Miles's distinctive excited gab. "Soon." I replied.

"Are you the only one up?" I asked, still in bed beside a moaning Eric who did not want to be disturbed. "No", Miles replied. "Gabby's up too." "We'll be out in a few minutes." I promised.

8:40 am.

Last year I would be stumbling to the front door to let the dogs out for 5 minutes. They would not want to stay out long. We would all stumble back into bed.

This year: Knock! Knock! Knock! Miles again. I'm glad we had the forsight to lock the bedroom door. "You said we'd open presents soon and Sunny has pooped on the floor." I burst out quietly laughing, Eric hushing me urgently. "We'll be out soon!" I called back. "In the meanwhile, Sunny's poop is your Christmas Present."

"Ew." Miles replied.

"It's your Christmas Candy!" I laughingly said. "Shut up!" Eric said to me urgently. "It's too early to get up."

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"It can wait."

Miles: "When are we going to open up presents?"

Me: "Very soon now. Who's up?"

Miles: "Gabby and Garrett."

Me: "Not Ethan?"

Miles: "Not yet."

Me: "We'll be out soon."

Miles: "Ok."

9:00 AM

Last Year I would have been just waking up and thinking about getting some breakfast for the dogs and me.

This year: Knock! Knock! Knock!

Miles: "You said you'd be out soon! Where are you?"

I whisper to Eric "I have to go to the bathroom!"

I call out to Miles: "We're almost outside now."

Eric to Miles; "We'll be out soon."

Eric to Me: "You don't have to go to the bathroom."

9:30 am

Last year: I would either have had breakfast in bed or would have quietly moved to the studio to not watch the parade and sit in a stupor.

This year: "I have to go to the bathroom bad!" I whisper to Eric.

We hear Garrett with Miles outside in the family room or somewhere not right next to our bedroom door. "You don't have to go. If you go outside, it will be all over."

"I have to go now!" I urgently reply.

"You don't have to go. You don't have to go. You don't have to go." Eric murmers, rubbing my stomach with every repeat.

"You're just making it worse!" I reply.

"Sorry." he says."

"I'm going now. Be right back." And somehow I sneak out to the bathroom and back into the bedroom without being discovered. Ah, a Christmas Miracle!

10:40 am

I have no idea what I would have been doing by this time last year, but it would have been quiet and alone.

This year: Knock! Knock! Knock! Miles again.

"You said you'd be out soon and it's 10:40 now! Where are you?"

I whisper to Eric, "How long do you want him in therapy? I could tell him that we're busy humping like bunnies." (In fact, we are humping like bunnies. My 'Christmas Present' Eric says.)

"Shut up." Eric whispers back. To Miles "We'll be out in 15 minutes. Just be patient."

I call out "Is Ethan awake yet?"

Miles: "N0!"

Me: "Go wake him up. Get him out of bed so that we can open presents together.:

Miles: "OK"

11:00 am

I am putting on my bathroom and underwear, knowing that we will have to present ourselves shortly. Eric is putting on a tee shirt and lounge pants.

Knock! Knock! Knock! Miles. "Where are you?" he cries. "You said soon!" And I open the door and step out to his delighted smile. Ethan has decided that sleeping in is more of an imperative than opening up presents. I assure Miles that we can open them up now anyway.

End of Part 1.


Anonymous said...


poor kiddo..

Laura said...

Maybe it will be torture next year, but actually I thought the entire interlude was pretty funny from the word go.

Miles had told me the night before that it's the same thing every year. He's tortured because he has to wait to open up his presents.

Oh, you mean him - lol! We tortured him!!!!! :D


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