Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Stunned - in a good way

This past week has been like riding a merry-go-round.

Up - I've lost 9/10 of a pound in the last two weeks.

Down - My clothes are still snug.

Up - Richard's "Sweatin' to the Oldies 20th Anniversary Collection" released and I'm getting some very nice e-mails about the "Love Yourself and Win" Bonus DVD.

Down - Some of those e-mails have had some less than flattering remarks about other cast members who have struggled more than me and it's sad to realize that their issues have gone so very public and are subject to harsh judgement, especially by people that I would have hoped would be more emphathetic.

Up - My Physical Activity. I decided to do a concerted push to increase it this week and was successful.

Down - I need knee surgery.

Up - Lucy at HMR clearly really does believe that I am her "star" student (Maintenance / Nutrition class) and it feels good.

Down - I know how many people are watching me and my weight, and it's really hard to know that I am not responsible only to myself anymore. That I am a source of 'inspiration' to others and that yes, they are watching. My weight is still up seven pounds from 'goal' since the holidays and it weighs heavily on me.

But then there's what happened a few minutes ago as I parked my car and came into my condo.

Richard's Infomercial for Sweatin' is clearly running. I've been recognized and stopped twice in my complex and once at the Vet's office. And I suppose that John - who lives with his family directly across from my unit - must have seen it too. Not that he said that he did.

But today, we both arrived home and parked at the same time. And he commented to me that "I look great." The Fab 4 would be very proud of me, because despite knowing that my weight is up and not feeling my best, I gave him a big smile and simply said "Thank you." Hear that, Claudia? I said THANK YOU. And did not mitigate it with explainations or negative words.

And then John looked at me and said "I mean it. You look great. I know how hard you work at it."

I was stunned. This is the very first time anyone from outside of my immediate 'theraputic' circle has acknowledged that I work hard. Really hard. That my loss and maintenance does not come naturally. (Even within the Slimmons and HMR communities, a lot of people don't believe that I don't have the weight issue whipped.) And the source of this comment was especially surprising. John is a tall-dark-and-handsome beanpole of a man, very athletic, appearing to be thin naturally. He noticed? Oh my!

I don't know why his comment means so much to me. But it does. It kind of validates me, my work, my lifestyle change, the hours and hours and countless more hours that I've spent in the kitchen learning how to cook and make healthy meals, and the even-more hours that I've spent exercising, despite illness and pain and ongoing health issues/crisises.

Because this isn't easy. Even if it was just me, it isn't easy. And to know that I am public, even in the small way that I am, makes it even harder.

I don't think you (John) even know that I have a blog, nor do I think you read it if you do know it exists. But I said it a few minutes ago, and I'll say it again.

Thank you, John.


LI Laura said...

Hey Laura!

I remember 10 years ago, when I had lost quite a bit of weight (which I have of course gained back, but that's another story)...anyway, I used to walk my dog a mile every morning, and one morning a woman who lived down the block, who I didn't know, opened her door and told me I looked great and that she could see how hard I was working. It made enough of an impression on me that it for sure made my day, and I remember it to this day. You kind of expect your support system to acknowledge you, but when someone who doesn't have to, does, it makes it all the sweeter.

Anonymous said...

I would never want you to feel as if you were under a microscope and that you couldn't or shouldn't gain weight..The fact that you have shared that with us only shows me what reality is..I hope I never give you the impression you that you are under a microscope and everything will be scrutinized. You are so AMAZING.. I know how hard it is to take compliments and I'm so proud of you for taking John's compliments..

Claudia said...

Yep, I'm proud of you. That's for sure. Not only because you are doing so well with your weight. More importantly you have learned to say "Thank You" with no "buts". You made me a proud member of the Fab Four. Keep up the great work. You look great. Now what do you say???


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