Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Exit-us

I am a frequent flier when it comes to the bathrooms at Slimmons. In all honesty, I am tied to the bathrooms wherever I go, but because of the accessibility of the Slimmons bathrooms, I'm able to participate there much more often than I would in a different venue; if I had to walk (run) a long way for them. Or wait in a line once I got there.

Richard has two bathrooms located in the back of his dressing room at Slimmons. Although recently redecorated, the predominant theme of each remains true to their former selves. Bathroom # 1 (on the left as you face them) is the more sane bathroom. That is, until you wash your hands. (You do wash your hands after going, right? Don't tell me if you don't. And never shake my hand again!) Wash your hands, dry them off with the paper towels, then use the foot lever to raise the lid of the trash can. BAM!!!! The lid of the can hits the wall! And the mirror. With my facility for breaking things, I'm sure that I'm going to either knock a hole in the wall or break the mirror before I'm done. Ergo, I don't use that bathroom.

No. I use the other one. On the right. Bathroom # 2; the "watch yourself pee" bathroom. For if you are sitting down, there is a floor-to-ceiling mirror in front of you for you to contemplate your physique. If you're of the stand-up-to-pee persuasion, don't despair. There is a thigh-high-to-ceiling mirror behind the toilet too. No matter what direction you do your business in, you get a full-length view of yourself. But because of the positioning of the toilet, the sink, and the trash can, there's little chance that I can damage anything in that particular room.

Actually, the bathroom on the right is the celebrity choice anyway. When
Richard spent the day with Jimmy Kimmel, working on Jimmy's health, that is the bathroom that Jimmy found the hamburger in.

I know. It doesn't look much like the same bathroom anymore, but it is. And every time I'm in there, I look for the speaker to order my own hamburger. I haven't found it as of yet, but that's just a matter of time...


Anyway, you're probably wondering why I wax on about bathrooms. Other than them being the most important room in my life, that is. Well, it has a lot to do with Dana. And the Exit signs.

You might recall a few weeks ago, an Exit Sign fell on Dana's head during exercise class.

A couple of weeks later, the sign was replaced, and Dana was so convinced that her string of bad luck had resolved, that she stood under a ladder. All appeared to be well for Dana. No bad luck. But then again, I wonder if bad luck can be transferred...

For tonight after the um-tee nth time going to the bathroom, I noticed it. The Exit sign leading out of the dressing room and back into the club. It was empty.

Furthermore, the skeleton in which it used to reside had a burnt out bulb!
I quickly ran back into the exercise-class-in-progress and queried Dana. Did she know about this turn of events?

She did! She was not surprised at all. And there, and then, I knew the title of today's post. Exit-us. Because I'll bet that the sign in the classroom leading to the lobby was not a new sign at all. The signs are migrating from one point to another within the club. They're taking on a life of their own. They must be Jewish and they're looking for their homeland. Amazing. They don't look Jewish. And the one that clunked Dana on the head? It must have been trying to make a connecting flight.

Well, I suggested this theory to Dana. She acted as if she was shocked. Or maybe she over-acted, that is. I think she knows that I'm on to something.

Poor Richard. It's true. Bad luck can be transferred. It's his bad luck that I not only noticed the sign, but that I can't resist posting about it.

I know funny when I see it.

5 comments:

Claudia said...

The lights may be looking for their homeland but they can't be jewish unless they are feeling guilty about not calling their moms often enough. That's what I use on Kerry. LOL

Thanks for posting the link to Richard and Jimmy.It was hilarious although all of us that know Richard personally know one thing. What you see is what you get. I love you, Richard and Laura.

Claudia

Heather said...

You are so lucky to be able to go to Slimmons (it's pricey, ain't it?) and work out!! I'd love that!

/HeatherKL in the Clubhouse

Doll Creelman-Migliaccio said...

Laura, as always, I love the way you look at things and then, the way you write about it. Not too many could right about washrooms and get my attention!

You are awesome!

Laura said...

Oh Claudia, but they ARE Jewish signs. No, they have not called their Mothers. And no actually - ahem - they don't feel guilty about it either.

But with each message they receive on their cell phones, they roll their eyes and exclaim "Oy!"

Just like Jewish kids everywhere, the Mothers apply Guilt, but the children band together and make fun of them.

Vennie said...

I loved the Richard/Jimmy bit, too. One of Richard's better ones.

If the signs are Jewish, shouldn't they be called "Exodus" signs? I like that better than "Exit-us". Maybe they're trying to "pass", thinking Slimmons is one of those exclusive clubs who don't let certain people in. Hmmmmm.

I agree--bathrooms are very important places and must be scoped out whenever moving from one location to another, in case a hasty retreat is necessary. One reason why I HATE malls! They hide their bathrooms! And when you do locate them on one of those "you are here" signs, they are usually a block away and behind the furnace room or some such. Oy.

Vennie

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