A Post by Cosmos

Dear "Dolly Ann",

Or whoever you are:

I have been enjoying getting the occasional update and e-mail about your progress out there on the farm. You know, city dogs have a whole different picture of what "the farm" is, and it is not a good place to go. But it sounds like your farm is a really nice place to live.

I approve of you bending so many rules to meet your own puppy purposes. That you now enjoy people food makes me very happy although why you would waste your time on vegetables is beyond me. I hear that you are escaping and going upstairs and have laid claim to a bed. You are becomming more and more in control of your humans. Good girl!

But then, I received some new pictures, purportedly showing your progress. And my world went upside down. There is a new dog in town and it is claiming to be you!

I know what you look like. Exhibit 1, of which I approve of because you are eating: Exhibit 2: Who is this? This is not a dog who is eating, but it is a whole lot bigger than you are. It appears to be laying on the same floor that you occupied before. It is listening to me. Look at how it's ear is cocked. It looks a little bit worried. Does it know that I am on to it?
Exhibit 3: There you are again. You are laying on your back looking very cute by the kitchen oven. I love the oven. Good things come out of it.
Exhibit 4: The new dog is trying to pretend it's you by lying on it's back in the same position as you. But they don't say "she lied like a dog" for nothing.
Exhibit 5: Look at how calm and sedate this dog is. Nothing like the stories that I have heard about you.
Dolly Ann, are you out there? Or has this new dog come in and eaten you, then taken your place? It is so much bigger than you that the impersonation is certainly a fraud.

Your friend in barking always,

Cosmos

A Note from Cosmos for Dolly Ann

Dear Dolly Ann:

I really enjoyed the photos you sent of yourself a couple of weeks ago. I also like your attitude and ability to manipulate the home-life situation. This picture, in particular, is good. You always want your humans to think you are not getting enough food.

I realize that it can be frustrating when your doormen don't open up the door quickly enough. I can see you understand that they're taking entirely too many breaks from the angle of your tail. But patience is a virtue that can be parlayed later on into them thinking butter wouldn't melt in your mouth, then you can manipulate situations to your liking.
This picture is a special favorite of mine. Remember our motto. "Nothin' says lovin' like somethin' from the oven."
As I hear stories of how you've started to take over the house and have even selected your upstairs bed (don't forget that the sofa also makes a good downstairs one), I am very happy for you. But I must warn you about one behavior that will set all the progress you have made back on it's heels. Don't do it upon pain of being locked up forever.

Trust me, it's a bad idea.

Your friend,

Cosmos