A Lot of Heart

Cosmos continues on. This morning, I was ecstatic when he ate breakfast. He hasn't, to my knowledge, eaten much the rest of the day, but I wasn't home for part of it. I decided to try and pick up some of my regular activities as I can, so I went to exercise class. Maybe he ate then. After all, I have dog cookies and people cookies and all sorts of junk food strewn all over the front of my condo. I wouldn't be able to tell the difference if he had partaken. But of course, my heart fell as he looked at the four different offerings I made for his dinner, then walked away.

I am continuing to look at the "Ethics of Euthanasia" print-out that our vet gave us. I want to be sure that my boy is living some kind of quality life while he is here with me, and I'm not just holding on for my own sake. You need to score at least 35 to consider that your pet has a reasonable quality. As of this morning, after Cozie ate, I gave him an honest assessment of 52. Of course this could change on a moment's notice, so I will continue to review it and evaluate him every single day.

But for now, I am comfortable with him continuing on. And he has confirmed it with a few things that make me feel better.

1.) He's watching TV. A lot. I had let my studio get out of control, and moved my work into my bedroom. The TV in there is small and on top of my armoir, and he has never been all that comfortable watching up there. Dr. F- suggested that I should clean the studio out and see if he was still interested in programing. That would be a good starting point to gauge his interest in life. He is. He especially seems interested in "Cake Boss" and "Jon & Kate Plus 8." Oy. He slept through an old favorite of his this evening... "Dog, the Bounty Hunter." Ah well, he was tired. He had a big day.

2.) He had a problem with his phone speaking a couple of times today. It's been a while since he objected. It made me feel good that he felt well enough to notice and disapprove.

3.) He was thrilled to go for a walk. We are slow and rickety, but we know where we want to go and we go there. He did not have the strength to handle going down the three stairs outside of my condo to the walkway, but once there, he moved completely under his own power. He did not fall at all this evening. He convinced six separate people to pet him. He was smiling the same old smile of old, and just to finish it off, a complete stranger driving down the street pulled to a stop beside us, rolled her window down, and told me "Your dog has a lot of heart."

"Yes he does," I replied. And he does. I am comfortable with the fact that I did not have him put down last Saturday. I don't know how much time he has... I personally vascilate from hope to panic in 1;2 second flat, but this portion of his journey is not about me. It's about what's best for him. Right now, he's still getting enjoyment out of life, he's not so thin that he could be considered starving (and he does eat something so far when he gets hungry enough) although he is a bag of bones, he is enjoying activities of the past, he has opinions, and he is hydrated.
And, by the way, he negotiated all of the curbs by himself and maybe he can't go down stairs anymore, but he managed to climb up them again with only the tiniest bit of assistance on my part.

It's coming. I know it is. But for now, we can all sleep comfortable (except maybe Sunny) knowing that holding on is the right thing to do.