Saturday, April 10, 2010

One Day at at Time

One week ago today, I was discharged from the hospital. I was sure it was a mistake; that I would be readmitted in only a few days. In that respect, I was wrong, but it's been an absolutely terrible week from a pain point of view.

My legs have been so swollen and sensitive that it is often very difficult to stand and especially to walk, and the pain does not stop there. It extends to knees, hips, back, shoulders - especially the right shoulder, arms and hands. No matter how much of the narcotics I was issued upon release, it just didn't seem to help.

Additionally, I've been incredibly tired. Maybe a side effect of the pain medication; maybe the IBD alone. I just don't know.

I've maintained the every-other-day IV schedule; I am set up for another round at 11 am... that will eat a couple of hours out of the middle of my day. Not that I had anything planned anyway. I'm so incredibly tired and inaccessable that I've pretty-much been given up on. I hear from nobody, I see nobody. I wanted to go to Project Me this morning at Slimmons, but I was sleepy and in pain and slept right through.

Even so, I am productive. I came up with the Dog & Cat Bracelet for Mothers Day idea, and made 8 samples so that there would be plenty of pictures of them in different colors pictured in my Etsy Store.

I mounted the two pieces of jewelry that I need to post to Fire Mountain Gems on Monday for their Seed Bead and Glass Bead contests; I started filling out the accompanying paperwork but had a computer snafu while trying to print it, so that did not get done.  I spoke to Eric briefly about it this evening and think I know where I went wrong.  I'll try it again tomorrow; hopefully his suggestion will work and that can be put to bed.

Adele called, asking for Shoe Candy, and I had a different idea for them and asked her if she would be willing to wear a prototype.  She was ammenable, and so the first one is made.  I will make the 2nd tomorrow and hopefully we will be able to thread her shoe laces through them, even more hopefully she will like them, and finally, I hope that they will hold up under use.  All of it remains to be seen.  If she doesn't like them, I will make her a traditional pair.  I am not making them unless they are specifically requested now because they just weren't selling enough, even though I had listed them at a wholesale price.  I knew that at the retail value, they would never move.  So that's the end of Shoe Candy.

I am looking at a bracelet ordered by a Richard Simmons Clubhouse member still not paid for and hanging on my bulletin board; I am now irritable enough to take it apart and hold the materials, even though I don't have any current use for them.  And even though I received yet another message saying that she will eventually pay for it so that I can send it off.  But I don't have a lot of hope that it will ever be paid for.  This means that I have now been burnt by Clubhouse Members four times in my Etsy store on Special Orders.  I have never had a bad experience outside of the Clubhouse.  I think that I now need to be really firm about my commitment that I absolutely will not make anything for anyone there who has not paid for their jewelry in advance.  (There's one notable exception; you know who you are, so don't worry about it.)  I don't understand why they would take advantage of me like that.  Do they think I am a large vendor who can afford to waste time and money on materials for goods never taken?  Apparently so.  Well, sista, if you are reading this (and you know who you are too), I am living on a fixed disability income and yes, I am being irritable, but I am really hurt by your actions.  I say this because although I don't know for sure, my gut and my head are both talking to me and I "know" that you're not coming for it.  Thanks.

By the same token, I have two pieces that still need to be completed for clients.  The first... a bracelet who's colors turned out to be astounding like a peacock feather, will be finished tomorrow while I am getting my IV, and I will get approval pics off to her tomorrow night.  The other is a butterfly choker that is amazing.  I don't want to talk too much about it right now as I don't want to jinx the process, but I am really excited about this one.

I am starting Physical Therapy next week.  I originally was going to go out to JMP Physical Therapy as I have a long history with them, but some questions about Medicare coverage came up (in relation to the home IVs) if I am able to go out for other treatments, and besides, I am not sure that I can get rides to and from and don't feel safe driving while on pain meds, so I am now going to go with a home service.  This should be interesting.  You should know that PT was my idea; my muscles are so atrophied at this point that I am starting to stand and walk funny, and I am incredibly weak.  But at the same time, I am in an incredible amount of pain and don't know how much I will be able to accomplish.  Especially because I'm assuming that the Therapist will not be bringing in any equipment and if he expects me to rent it, he has another thought coming.  Not only do I not have the money, even if Medicare pays for it, I have no idea where I would put it.  So again, this should be interesting.

Lucy has a new collar.  Instead of getting her a rolled leather collar like I did the last time and then beaded it with real gold plated beads (which she removed from her neck and ate), I got her a flat collar that was significantly less money.  I am fighting the urge to decorate it with leather and beads.  Truthfully, I know that I will eventually succumb to the urge, but I'd like to have more work for sale done before I do.  Especially because I don't want to make another collar which ends up in her stomach.  Let's see what she does with this one first.

So from the tone of this post, I'm sure that you can tell that I am irritable.  But was it a mistake to let me out of the hospital?  I"m not sure.  Frankly, my pain levels are probably enough that I could make a case for being there.  But I am getting by at home, and certainly it's nicer to be here than there.  I was prepared enough before the 2nd admission that I did not have a lot of housework to do, and since I am eating mostly prepared food from the Deli Counters of various markets, there is not a lot of kitchen mess.  I"m out of quarters and need to do laundry but there's not that much to do, and it will wait until Monday when the banks are open.  The hospital was nice in that I didn't need to be responsible for anything at all, and pain medications in sufficient strength were available 24 hours a day that I didn't suffer.  But it was also very inconvenient, it's uncomfortable to sleep on a plastic mattress with a plastic pillow, and I was tired of all those doctors.  So I think that the decision that was made for me to go home was a draw. 

So for now, I think I am going to continue taking this one day at a time.  I see Dr. V- next Friday and will discuss the timing of getting into the next protocol with him while at the appointment.  And I just need to be patient and as productive as I can be in the interim, and just wait and see what happens.


Anonymous said...

I'll call you later in the week after the kids get back to school. I love you..You continue to amaze me even in your weakest moments.

Annie said...

I agree with really do amaze me with all you get done even though you are not feeling the best..I would have given up long ago...Thinking of you and hoping the best for you...Give your kids a hug, stratch and a kiss from me...


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