Friday, July 8, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Sunny: In Memorium
To all my friends who were also friends of Sunny,
I'm sad to let you know that Sunny died today at about 2:45pm. He led a very brave fight against both a rare fungus that is difficult-to-impossible to treat and also Melanoma of the Eye. He was very brave, trying to stay with us for as long as he could. He was the very first dog who lived with me for over a decade. Given that I take only rescue dogs and they all, including Sunny, were well past puppy-hood by the time they joined me, this was quite a feat. We're guessing that he was around 13.
Sunny was a very difficult dog when he came to me. He was very frightened, but instead of cowering like every other dog I had ever adopted, he was quite aggressive in his fear, biting me again and again, and also many dogs in his time. It was far more than once that I was advised that I should put him down immediately, but I refused. I knew that there had to be a good dog inside of him somewhere. I've never met a bad dog. It took years before I became aware that his behavior was not of aggression but of fear. Once I realized it, everything changed between us for the better.
Sunny ended up being a very gentle soul. He helped Ian as an infant and toddler learn to play with and love dogs, gently putting up with his ministrations of love which included fingers in his eyes, ears, and mouth, and also grooming, moaning and yipping in delight. He put up with Cosmos, who was quite difficult to live with if you were trying to compete for love and time, and then recently Lucy, who came to us from the South Central Pound as a puppy and drove him crazy with play. He put up with living in a Condo when, as a large dog, he would have liked nothing better than to have had a large home to live in. Thankfully, we were able to provide that home for him in his last 8 months. He thoroughly enjoyed it.
He was something to be feared in his frightened youth, and thanks to his antics, when my Condominium Complex was over-ridden with Section 8 hoodlums and criminals (after the rebuild from the '94 earthquake, most of the condos were quickly rented out to the city to stem the losses by the owners and they were almost universally occupied by criminals), while I was reviled and threatened by my neighbors because I held a position on the Board of Directors and was tasked to help bring the situation under control, I was never attacked, my home was never broken into, I was always safe because Sunny was at my side.
He was by my side in sickness and in health, at my highest weights, during my weight loss, and during my greatest life transition of all. He was never demanding when I was so sick I was near death myself, instead just laying quietly in the room that I occupied, keeping me company. He walked many miles with me as I started my weight loss journey, and never complained when I became so sick that I could no longer take him out. He put up with me dressing him up for my own and others amusement, most recently appearing at my wedding reception as a bunch of grapes. He loved all of it.
I'm going to miss my boy terribly. I knew that he was not going to live far into the transition into my new life, but he was something of my old life that was singularly mine, even as he loved Eric and worshiped him long before we were engaged. I'm sorry that he did not get to live with my family as a young dog. I'm sorry that the children did not get to experience his playfulness and gentle nature. I'm sorry because I feel like one of the last pieces of me as a single individual has left me.
But Sunny was old. He was suffering. It was time.
Even as I am in a terrible emotional state and I'm not sure how quickly I'm going to be able to act on it, I know that somewhere, there is already another dog who is waiting for us, for a new lease on life. In a week or so, we will start our search, and I'm sure it won't be long before we are able to give somebody a second chance at life. This next dog will be very lucky. It will not be coming into just my home. It will be coming into our home, into a large house with a large yard with two parents and lots of siblings to play with. And Lucy too. And a cat to torment it. Hopefully, Ralph - the cat - will not be too angry at this new development.
I'm sad to let you know that Sunny died today at about 2:45pm. He led a very brave fight against both a rare fungus that is difficult-to-impossible to treat and also Melanoma of the Eye. He was very brave, trying to stay with us for as long as he could. He was the very first dog who lived with me for over a decade. Given that I take only rescue dogs and they all, including Sunny, were well past puppy-hood by the time they joined me, this was quite a feat. We're guessing that he was around 13.
Sunny was a very difficult dog when he came to me. He was very frightened, but instead of cowering like every other dog I had ever adopted, he was quite aggressive in his fear, biting me again and again, and also many dogs in his time. It was far more than once that I was advised that I should put him down immediately, but I refused. I knew that there had to be a good dog inside of him somewhere. I've never met a bad dog. It took years before I became aware that his behavior was not of aggression but of fear. Once I realized it, everything changed between us for the better.
Sunny ended up being a very gentle soul. He helped Ian as an infant and toddler learn to play with and love dogs, gently putting up with his ministrations of love which included fingers in his eyes, ears, and mouth, and also grooming, moaning and yipping in delight. He put up with Cosmos, who was quite difficult to live with if you were trying to compete for love and time, and then recently Lucy, who came to us from the South Central Pound as a puppy and drove him crazy with play. He put up with living in a Condo when, as a large dog, he would have liked nothing better than to have had a large home to live in. Thankfully, we were able to provide that home for him in his last 8 months. He thoroughly enjoyed it.
He was something to be feared in his frightened youth, and thanks to his antics, when my Condominium Complex was over-ridden with Section 8 hoodlums and criminals (after the rebuild from the '94 earthquake, most of the condos were quickly rented out to the city to stem the losses by the owners and they were almost universally occupied by criminals), while I was reviled and threatened by my neighbors because I held a position on the Board of Directors and was tasked to help bring the situation under control, I was never attacked, my home was never broken into, I was always safe because Sunny was at my side.
He was by my side in sickness and in health, at my highest weights, during my weight loss, and during my greatest life transition of all. He was never demanding when I was so sick I was near death myself, instead just laying quietly in the room that I occupied, keeping me company. He walked many miles with me as I started my weight loss journey, and never complained when I became so sick that I could no longer take him out. He put up with me dressing him up for my own and others amusement, most recently appearing at my wedding reception as a bunch of grapes. He loved all of it.
I'm going to miss my boy terribly. I knew that he was not going to live far into the transition into my new life, but he was something of my old life that was singularly mine, even as he loved Eric and worshiped him long before we were engaged. I'm sorry that he did not get to live with my family as a young dog. I'm sorry that the children did not get to experience his playfulness and gentle nature. I'm sorry because I feel like one of the last pieces of me as a single individual has left me.
But Sunny was old. He was suffering. It was time.
Even as I am in a terrible emotional state and I'm not sure how quickly I'm going to be able to act on it, I know that somewhere, there is already another dog who is waiting for us, for a new lease on life. In a week or so, we will start our search, and I'm sure it won't be long before we are able to give somebody a second chance at life. This next dog will be very lucky. It will not be coming into just my home. It will be coming into our home, into a large house with a large yard with two parents and lots of siblings to play with. And Lucy too. And a cat to torment it. Hopefully, Ralph - the cat - will not be too angry at this new development.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Coming Back to Life
It's been a painful process, getting married with an instant family, suffering health crisis after health crisis (a couple of outcomes still pending), having a very old and sick dog, and trying to retain my identity. Sadly, some things had to give.
Slimmons... I expect I will never be welcome there again. Long story, don't ask.
Friends: I lost a couple who I thought were "best friends forever" during the marriage process and thereafter, but as I said to my tremendous friend Claudia just last week, in the end they did me a favor. We had gone in separate directions, barely spoke anymore anyway, and as much as the relationships had meant to me, by the time the wedding came around, they were already gone anyway. There was just a pale imitation left and it's a relief not to have to pretend to care anymore. Bottom line... I didn't need the drama.
Jewelry: My crafting and art suffered for the changes, and I did very little to make - let alone promote - my work.
Happily, I've started taking jewelry classes again and have been making new items in profusion. I just listed the first three items in my Etsy Shop:
Make an avatar
I'm happy to say that all these items are listed as part of a fund raising effort for the parenting group BILY (Because I Love You) who is sponsoring a Silent Auction/Poker Tournament on June 12th in Granada Hills along with an inexpensive lunch. If I don't sell one of these necklaces before that date, I will make it available at the Silent Auction to sell for what it will.
I'm proud that the first works I put up in my new equilibrium are for a worthy organization and I am able to contribute and make a difference. I hope that anyone who lives in the area and isn't doing anything that day might come to the event - even if you don't play poker... you don't have to play to come - and see me. I miss my old friends so much.
Slimmons... I expect I will never be welcome there again. Long story, don't ask.
Friends: I lost a couple who I thought were "best friends forever" during the marriage process and thereafter, but as I said to my tremendous friend Claudia just last week, in the end they did me a favor. We had gone in separate directions, barely spoke anymore anyway, and as much as the relationships had meant to me, by the time the wedding came around, they were already gone anyway. There was just a pale imitation left and it's a relief not to have to pretend to care anymore. Bottom line... I didn't need the drama.
Jewelry: My crafting and art suffered for the changes, and I did very little to make - let alone promote - my work.
Happily, I've started taking jewelry classes again and have been making new items in profusion. I just listed the first three items in my Etsy Shop:
Make an avatar
I'm happy to say that all these items are listed as part of a fund raising effort for the parenting group BILY (Because I Love You) who is sponsoring a Silent Auction/Poker Tournament on June 12th in Granada Hills along with an inexpensive lunch. If I don't sell one of these necklaces before that date, I will make it available at the Silent Auction to sell for what it will.
I'm proud that the first works I put up in my new equilibrium are for a worthy organization and I am able to contribute and make a difference. I hope that anyone who lives in the area and isn't doing anything that day might come to the event - even if you don't play poker... you don't have to play to come - and see me. I miss my old friends so much.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Of Stepmothers and 9 year old Boys
As it would happen, yesterday I needed to go onto Miles' school campus playground about an hour after school was let out to talk to the "Coach" about a Pitch, Hit, and Run activity that he was desperately interested in participating in. Miles was unable to get the form to sign up the day before and didn't know how to enter. The front office of the school - typically - didn't know what was happening on their own playground, so it was up to me to chase it down and make his dream of entering come true.. (Miles, extraordinarily intelligent, is smart enough to be acutely aware of his shortcomings, is very shy, and lacks self confidence. Whenever he wants to participate in anything social, I am very, and I mean VERY proud of him, and facilitate it in whatever way I possibly can.)
Anyway, we had a while to wait, and in that time, he and I sat at the lunch tables/benches in the shade and talked about some of the events that had happened at school earlier that day. I really do love that child as I love all of Eric's children. They are so incredibly bright and talented, and yet each flawed in such appealing ways - each distinctly different from each other. No normal human being would be able to resist their charm.
As Miles and I talked, there was a group of boys, clearly Miles' friends and classmates, sitting in a clump together, two rows down and one table to our left. They eyed us with curiosity.
"Is that your Mom?" one of the boys called over to Miles. Miles thought about it for about 1/2 a second and replied "Yes." I was surprised at being given the honor of being "Mom" and kept quiet.
Then he thought for about 30 seconds and added, "She's my Step Mom." Of course. That's what I am. No problem.
I started laughing, smiled at them, and said "Of course. I'm his Step Mom. I am evil. Don't I look evil?"
"No!" they all replied in a chorus.
I made a slightly more stern face and said "Do I look evil now?"
"No!" they replied again, laughing like crazy.
I made an angry face and said "How about now? Aren't I evil?" And Miles called out and said "Be careful dudes, she can get mad."
Our kids think they have seen me mad; and in fact I put on a good act to make an impression on them, but I lost my true sense of inner anger years ago. The only time I get really upset at others now is when I am feeling profoundly ill. What they have actually seen is a very calculated act with the end result of getting what we need out of them .
The boys were not phased, either by my stern look or Miles' warning. They replied in unison "No, you don't look evil!"
And so I stood up, put my most angry face on, put my hands on my hips, and said in a very harsh voice, "Now do I look evil?"
Well, that made an impression. Instead of laughing, the boys just watched me, slightly warily. And one of them piped up, "I'm not afraid of you. I can just run into the 'Men's' room if I have to."
I was laughing hysterically on the inside as I replied "Do you really think a stupid sign that says "Men" could stop me from following in right behind you? And that's when it happened. Miles piped up with his most urgent warning ever.
"Dudes! Don't test her, man! She's seen my Daddy's penis like 90 times!!!!!" (There was a time when I walked in on Miles while he was fully unclothed about 6 months ago, and he was so upset that I had seen his penis that I told him that I had seen his father's penis the night before so he was in good company, and for the next several days, he asked me if I had seen it again and I would jokingly reply 'yes.' It hasn't come up in many months, but apparently that interlude made a big impression on him.)
There were gasps of horror from every one of the boys. They scattered like bugs in every direction. Despite the new media and the claims of many that kids aren't like they used to be... they know too much and are too sophisticated, I'm here to dispute that claim. Kids are exactly the same as always. The cosmetics of their appearances and lifestyles may be different, but the social norms remain. And 9 year old boys know nothing about the birds and the bees, just as they didn't when I was a child.
I could hardly wait until I was alone with Eric so that I could repeat the story. He and I laughed our asses off when I told it to him. And when I told Adele later that evening, her response was to calculate that Eric & I had been married for 6 months, living together 2 months prior to that, and therefore there had been "x" opportunities to have seen it... and I then reminded her that Eric & I had committed sinful acts even before we moved in together. Yes, I guess it's true. I am evil , at least according to stern religious standards, and I am a Step Mom. And I also think that Miles' estimate was a wee bit low - lol!
Anyway, we had a while to wait, and in that time, he and I sat at the lunch tables/benches in the shade and talked about some of the events that had happened at school earlier that day. I really do love that child as I love all of Eric's children. They are so incredibly bright and talented, and yet each flawed in such appealing ways - each distinctly different from each other. No normal human being would be able to resist their charm.
As Miles and I talked, there was a group of boys, clearly Miles' friends and classmates, sitting in a clump together, two rows down and one table to our left. They eyed us with curiosity.
"Is that your Mom?" one of the boys called over to Miles. Miles thought about it for about 1/2 a second and replied "Yes." I was surprised at being given the honor of being "Mom" and kept quiet.
Then he thought for about 30 seconds and added, "She's my Step Mom." Of course. That's what I am. No problem.
I started laughing, smiled at them, and said "Of course. I'm his Step Mom. I am evil. Don't I look evil?"
"No!" they all replied in a chorus.
I made a slightly more stern face and said "Do I look evil now?"
"No!" they replied again, laughing like crazy.
I made an angry face and said "How about now? Aren't I evil?" And Miles called out and said "Be careful dudes, she can get mad."
Our kids think they have seen me mad; and in fact I put on a good act to make an impression on them, but I lost my true sense of inner anger years ago. The only time I get really upset at others now is when I am feeling profoundly ill. What they have actually seen is a very calculated act with the end result of getting what we need out of them .
The boys were not phased, either by my stern look or Miles' warning. They replied in unison "No, you don't look evil!"
And so I stood up, put my most angry face on, put my hands on my hips, and said in a very harsh voice, "Now do I look evil?"
Well, that made an impression. Instead of laughing, the boys just watched me, slightly warily. And one of them piped up, "I'm not afraid of you. I can just run into the 'Men's' room if I have to."
I was laughing hysterically on the inside as I replied "Do you really think a stupid sign that says "Men" could stop me from following in right behind you? And that's when it happened. Miles piped up with his most urgent warning ever.
"Dudes! Don't test her, man! She's seen my Daddy's penis like 90 times!!!!!" (There was a time when I walked in on Miles while he was fully unclothed about 6 months ago, and he was so upset that I had seen his penis that I told him that I had seen his father's penis the night before so he was in good company, and for the next several days, he asked me if I had seen it again and I would jokingly reply 'yes.' It hasn't come up in many months, but apparently that interlude made a big impression on him.)
There were gasps of horror from every one of the boys. They scattered like bugs in every direction. Despite the new media and the claims of many that kids aren't like they used to be... they know too much and are too sophisticated, I'm here to dispute that claim. Kids are exactly the same as always. The cosmetics of their appearances and lifestyles may be different, but the social norms remain. And 9 year old boys know nothing about the birds and the bees, just as they didn't when I was a child.
I could hardly wait until I was alone with Eric so that I could repeat the story. He and I laughed our asses off when I told it to him. And when I told Adele later that evening, her response was to calculate that Eric & I had been married for 6 months, living together 2 months prior to that, and therefore there had been "x" opportunities to have seen it... and I then reminded her that Eric & I had committed sinful acts even before we moved in together. Yes, I guess it's true. I am evil , at least according to stern religious standards, and I am a Step Mom. And I also think that Miles' estimate was a wee bit low - lol!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Easter, 2011
A lovely Easter day starting with baskets for the kids (yes, they are 1/2 Christian and we are honoring both sides of their religious heritage), and an Easter Egg hunt.
Later in the day, a trip to Santa Monica Beach including a picnic. Well, sort of. Most picnics are crashed by ants. Ours were crashed by Sea Gulls.
Moving in on our picnic.
Some sea shells Gabby found!
Group hug... me thinks the kids love their Dad!
A song to sing:
Later in the day, a trip to Santa Monica Beach including a picnic. Well, sort of. Most picnics are crashed by ants. Ours were crashed by Sea Gulls.
Moving in on our picnic.
Some sea shells Gabby found!
A song to sing:
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