Exit-us

I am a frequent flier when it comes to the bathrooms at Slimmons. In all honesty, I am tied to the bathrooms wherever I go, but because of the accessibility of the Slimmons bathrooms, I'm able to participate there much more often than I would in a different venue; if I had to walk (run) a long way for them. Or wait in a line once I got there.

Richard has two bathrooms located in the back of his dressing room at Slimmons. Although recently redecorated, the predominant theme of each remains true to their former selves. Bathroom # 1 (on the left as you face them) is the more sane bathroom. That is, until you wash your hands. (You do wash your hands after going, right? Don't tell me if you don't. And never shake my hand again!) Wash your hands, dry them off with the paper towels, then use the foot lever to raise the lid of the trash can. BAM!!!! The lid of the can hits the wall! And the mirror. With my facility for breaking things, I'm sure that I'm going to either knock a hole in the wall or break the mirror before I'm done. Ergo, I don't use that bathroom.

No. I use the other one. On the right. Bathroom # 2; the "watch yourself pee" bathroom. For if you are sitting down, there is a floor-to-ceiling mirror in front of you for you to contemplate your physique. If you're of the stand-up-to-pee persuasion, don't despair. There is a thigh-high-to-ceiling mirror behind the toilet too. No matter what direction you do your business in, you get a full-length view of yourself. But because of the positioning of the toilet, the sink, and the trash can, there's little chance that I can damage anything in that particular room.

Actually, the bathroom on the right is the celebrity choice anyway. When
Richard spent the day with Jimmy Kimmel, working on Jimmy's health, that is the bathroom that Jimmy found the hamburger in.

I know. It doesn't look much like the same bathroom anymore, but it is. And every time I'm in there, I look for the speaker to order my own hamburger. I haven't found it as of yet, but that's just a matter of time...

Anyway, you're probably wondering why I wax on about bathrooms. Other than them being the most important room in my life, that is. Well, it has a lot to do with Dana. And the Exit signs.

You might recall a few weeks ago, an Exit Sign fell on Dana's head during exercise class.

A couple of weeks later, the sign was replaced, and Dana was so convinced that her string of bad luck had resolved, that she stood under a ladder. All appeared to be well for Dana. No bad luck. But then again, I wonder if bad luck can be transferred...

For tonight after the um-tee nth time going to the bathroom, I noticed it. The Exit sign leading out of the dressing room and back into the club. It was empty.

Furthermore, the skeleton in which it used to reside had a burnt out bulb!
I quickly ran back into the exercise-class-in-progress and queried Dana. Did she know about this turn of events?

She did! She was not surprised at all. And there, and then, I knew the title of today's post. Exit-us. Because I'll bet that the sign in the classroom leading to the lobby was not a new sign at all. The signs are migrating from one point to another within the club. They're taking on a life of their own. They must be Jewish and they're looking for their homeland. Amazing. They don't look Jewish. And the one that clunked Dana on the head? It must have been trying to make a connecting flight.

Well, I suggested this theory to Dana. She acted as if she was shocked. Or maybe she over-acted, that is. I think she knows that I'm on to something.

Poor Richard. It's true. Bad luck can be transferred. It's his bad luck that I not only noticed the sign, but that I can't resist posting about it.

I know funny when I see it.

Exit-stential Reality

Once upon a long long time ago, at least as far back as November 7Th, an Exit sign fell upon Dana's head. And that was bad.

But Dana was fine and lived to tell the tale, and that was good.

Sherry promised that the sign would be fixed, and all would be as it was before at Slimmons, but last Tuesday, it was if a light bulb went off in my head. I looked at the former sign which had not been fixed and I "knew" it would never be the same again. But that was OK, because Dana was free to dance in and out of the studio, and in and out of the lobby as the mood struck her and with nary a worry.

But then, this morning, I walked into Slimmons and an amazing sight I did behold. That of an electrician on his ladder in the doorway to the studio, and what would he be doing? He was mounting a new exit sign into place!

Of course I was fearful for Dana. It had already been proven that she had a target on her head, and knowing that the new sign lurked above, I felt like I was awaiting her Exit-cution. But she came to class and danced as if nothing had ever happened. None of the traumatic history she had experienced with the Slimmons ceiling mattered. And she wasn't struck down from above.

I questioned her about it after class. How can it be that she who had proven to be in moral danger was not afraid? Dana laughed.


"I've faced down more terrible things than this," she stated with a gleam in her eye. "I've taught exercise classes, I've run marathons, and I work in the finance industry. I've gone to Washington with Richard, I've gone to Mexico with my friends, and I'm neither going to confirm nor deny the rumor that I drank the water while I was there. I even survived my mother flashing my "before" picture at my 40Th birthday party. Do you think a little ol' sign from above can frighten me? Au contrair!"

And just to prove her point Dana then stood under the electrician's ladder.

I've heard rumors that she is now looking to buy the biggest umbrella you ever saw and plans to open it up indoors. I hope that if she does it at Slimmons, she lets me know in advance so my camera will be ready. And I suppose that if Slimmons is the chosen 'indoor' location, she will open it up under the sign to be sure it can't drop directly on her head again.

Thirty posts in thirty days. This is day 23.

She's a Brainiac, Brainiac on the Floor!

It was a normal night at Slimmons. Well, actually it wasn't so normal. I was late because the streets were tied up by the Gay & Lesbian Coalitions protesting the ban on Marriage, good for them. I was half-tempted to skip class and join them.

But other than that, it was a normal night at Slimmons. Well, actually it wasn't because I was on my feet for the whole class and I can feel my energy and strength starting to return.

But other than that, it was a normal night at Slimmons. Not.

We were following Richard's moves, dancing our hearts out. I was on my side of the room, Dana was on hers. Dana dances closer to the lobby where all the thin people cluster and the mirrors are the "fat" mirrors. They're all thin enough over there that it doesn't matter. I prefer by the loading dock where the "thin mirrors" are.

Side to side we were dancing. "Four more!" Richard yelled. "Three more! Two more!" And that's when it happened. In the flash of the moment, the "Exit" sign over the lobby exit loosened from the ceiling and fell. Right on Dana's head!

I would say that Dana was shocked, but actually the electrical part of the unit stayed in the ceiling.

I would say that Dana was brained, but actually, it was closer to having her brain removed.

Dana needs to remember never to get a-head of herself.

The exit sign had a head trip.

Dana wanted to exit a-head of everybody else.

Dana exited at the head of the class.

The sign a-doored Dana.

It's a sign from above.

Dana is a target. Dana needs to go shopping at Target.

Dana was exit-cuted.

Exit, stage Right.

Was braining Dana Richard's a-sign-ment for the evening?

Was that Dana's exit strategy?

Hey Dana... if you're here, could you show us a sign?

(Click on picture for a larger image)

My dog Cosmos has had a long and bitter feud with the sky. It started with thunder and lightening, and escalated into full fledged battle when the sky followed up by throwing ice chips at him.

I came home tonight and told him the story of Dana. He was relieved that finally, after all these years, somebody else - specifically Dana - agrees with his point of view. The sky is falling.

Thirty posts in thirty days. This is day 7.