Finished!

A very short post tonight; I've just finished the Cabechon necklace that I showed you yesterday. It was very labor-intensive, and I'm proud of it. 30" of chain, and in the chain - excluding the fringe, three different kinds of beads and four colors. Click on the picture for a larger - and more focused - image.

I'm going to put my beads aside for a short time in deference to knitting. I have a very special challenge that needs to be started. Stay tuned for details on that. ;)

Eclectic Sole

I saved up my energy this entire weekend so that I could go see my friend
Janel Laidman at the Glendale Library today for her booksigning.


The Eclectic Sole is her first book; she let the secret out today that she is well on her way writing her second, "The Painted Skein" about how to work with color in yarns. She gave a lovely talk, and it was nice to see a lot of old friends there as well as numerous people that I didn't know. It was even nicer to hear that the first run of her book on diverse Knitted Sock Patterns was sold out and she is currently in reprint.


I was one of the smart ones... I pre-ordered the book before it's release date and had already started a pair of her socks when Le Tour De Fleece came up. I put them aside for the tour, but it was wonderful to finish spinning this morning and pick them back up. And in such a timely manner! I was able to announce during the question/answer session that not only was I working on a pair of her socks right there and then, but that her patterns were clear, concise, and a joy to follow. I meant it too!


I had a chance to chat with a number of friends including Una Walker after the talk. An extrordinary fiber artist, she was filmed for HGTV's "That's Clever" Season 4, before I was filmed for Season 5. We shared the bad news that I had confirmed with Weller-Grossman, the production company, last Friday. HGTV cancelled the series before our respective segments ever hit the airwaves. Neither of us are making it onto TV with that particular show. Oh well. It was fun to film and an honor to have been chosen. And now that I know that there is no compelling reason to keep the pictures that I took during the process quiet, I'll post them in a few days.


Una, I think, was more disappointed than I. She is a professional artist, versus me who just dabbles in it. Being filmed for me was a lark, but for her it was a professional opportunity. Yet I do not see all as lost. Both of our segments have been edited and are "in the can." As I said to Una, I have a feeling that just about the time that we both forget about the adventure, the segments may pop up in some other show. I believe it, too.

---

No, you did not misread. I did finish Le Tour De Fleece early this morning. According to Katherine who sponsored the Tour, I now carry the esteemed title (along with everyone else who completed their challenge) of Les Champs-Elysées Jaune 2008 and I get to display the yellow Championship Jersey on my blog. Of course, having turned all of the green roving into yarn, I now need to start spinning 20 ounces of the coordinating pink...

Knitters Digest

Between my current lack of camera - yes I've finally sent it off for repair - and issues of heath that are coming to the forefront again, it's been hard for me to post. But I've finally found something that is blog worthy. It's a current topic for me, and there are pictures so that you-all are not lacking for visuals.

Additionally, it's a knitting pattern! Amazing since I originally thought this blog was going to be about my creative endeavours, not the this-and-that-and-the-other-thing that it's turned into.

And so, now that the build up is complete, I present you with a

Knitted Digestive System!


Yes, there are patterns out there for pretty-much whatever you would like to make. I remember a year-or-two ago when E- had a hysterectomy, a friend made her a knitted uterus. She was not released to drive, so I volunteered to take her to her post-surgical doctor's appointment. She popped her new uterus into her knitting bag and off we went.




As it would so happen, we must have looked pretty suspicious. The guard in the parking lot approached us and I suggested that Elena show him her uterus. She did.

He was a bit surprised. Flumoxed. He asked her "And so you have two?"

"No." she answered seriously, looking him right in the eye. "I only have one." Then we laughed and went on to her appointment.



Well, my issue is not one of uterui, but of colon. Wouldn't you know it, I happened upon a knitting pattern for the digestive tract. Now I will need to check out my yarns and see if I have the appropriate colors. For I know what the project-of-choice will be if things don't get better soon.

Project Runway - Crutch Edition

This morning I was due for my post-op appointment with Dr. Boghossian. He is my Podiatrist. I had, last night, fortunately attended Slimmons. That's where Michelle - and I, but mostly Michelle - came up with the idea that as many people as we could recruit should sign my bandage with a Sharpie pen.

Since I knew that the bandage would be cut off this morning, I allowed anything to be said. Not that my restrictions would be great under any circumstances.

There was only one rule... No squeezing the foot while writing! That would be a big owie.
Yes, if you think you see Richard's name in the lower left hand side of this picture on my foot, you would be correct.

In most of the cases, having people write on my foot either did not hurt at all, or the pain was so minimal that it was worth it. However, I'm here to inform you that when people write on the bottom of your foot with a Sharpie pen, it tickles!

This morning, I donned the boot - which is plain wrap so far - on my left foot and a wool sock on my right. After all, it was chilly out and raining. I put a red suede boot over the red sock, and was ready to go. As is typical for Los Angeles during the morning commute (especially in the rain), the freeways were jammed. A drive that in mid day might take me a total of 10 minutes was an hour long.
But I had started out early and arrived at Dr. Boghossian's office only a few minutes late. I was escorted to "Exam Room 5" where I immediately informed them that they had to be very careful when cutting my bandage off. "Don't chop up any of the names."

The gal in charge of the scissors was quite agreeable.
Yes, I took pictures of my foot without the bandage. It was actually quite ugly. Ugly enough that I decided not to post the picture here. If you really want to see it, e-mail me privately and I'll forward a copy. Becky, I'm a-waitin' for your request. ;)

The surgery was open foot, and I'd guess that there were five staples or stitches or whatever the h-ll they were. The bruising was incredible. Gross and cool all at the same time!
Dr. Boghossian came in, gave my foot a summary glance, and announced that I was "healing well." Wrapped my foot in a new bandage (his office only offers boring brown),
and left me to my own devices with instructions to keep it dry and return again in a week.
So I made my appointment, was refused permission to take pictures of the front office gals for my blog - by the front office gals - with promises that they might reconsider and let me snap them on Friday after my post-op Knee appointment with Dr. Sisto.

I would have been upset except that they complimented me on my appearance (I was in full make-up even that early in the morning), my sweater (which I not only knit, but spun the yarn for), my belt (which I bargained for last year in the heart of the Beverly Hills Triangle and got quite a steal on), and my crutches (which I had decorated with both fake sheepskin and ribbon).

I felt like both a designer and a model on Project Runway, all at the same time! There are worse ways to start a day.

U.F.O.

One of the ironic things about my keeping this blog is the direction that it has gone in. It was originally inspired by my fiber friends, many of whom kept pictoral journals of what they were working on. I thought I was going to do the same as them, recording the spinning and knitting projects that I so enthusiastically worked on. But the nature of my writing is that I often don't know what I am going to say before I put it down and my journey has only infrequently mentioned the crafts projects that I am almost always at.

It's now the Monday after the Friday of the surgery and I am no longer working on an adreneline high. The big bandage has come off of my knee and has been replaced by band aids over the scars & stiches. My foot remains wrapped, but I took the outer layer off, revealing a green wrap and toes that are somewhat swollen but not bruised. Indeed, my knee is less swollen than I would have guessed, probably because of the Game Ready machine, but there is a looseness about my joint that is worrisome. I don't feel at all stable on the leg and proceed around the condo with caution.

I'm also really on my own now. On Friday, Eric was a wonderful help. Saturday I was by myself, but after initial expectations of being up and about, reality took over, I crashed, and spent the majority of the say sleeping. Sunday, I went down to Richard's radio broadcast to meet with his disapproval over I'm not sure exactly what. Maybe my appearance there, maybe his mistaken belief that I was not feeling ok, maybe I did something wrong. I don't know, but whatever.

After the show, I went to Target - yes on crutches - to replace my microwave which had finally bitten the dust, then came home, installed it. Sandy & Christiane came over for a brief visit, then I restlessly paced my condo.

Today, I feel deflated. Lonesome. (I really am all by myself.) And, as in times past when I need soothing, have picked up my knitting needles.

I have an old "UFO" to work on. For those not familiar with the term, UFO stands for "Un Finished Item." In this case, a sweater featured in the 2000 issue of Interweave Knits that I started last year and then, for some unknown reason, got bored with and put down.

The pattern is actually lovely and an easy job to do. It's a modified ribbing, but features a very pretty offset yoke in back and in front.
Rather than using the yarn called for in the pattern, I've pressed some old cotton that I picked up at an estate sale for almost nothing into service. It's incredibly soft, somewhat lusterous, and delightful to work with.

I'm probably about 1/2 way up the back and just about to start the armholes.
Of course, this is not how I had hoped to be spending my time, but perhaps I'll at least get something tangible out of my infirmity.

Ambivalence and Company

Ambivalence is probably the best word to describe me when it comes to social interaction. Perhaps conflicted or confused also works. I was never good at it... indeed, obesity is a symptom of the desire to isolate oneself. When I lost my weight (http://weightloss.laurarsilverman.com), it didn't change my fear of interaction. Indeed, if anything, it magnified it. At a normalized weight and with the "hair and make-up" affect I've taken on, other's expectations of me are high. They assume I know how to do the interaction thing. They assume that I want to be where I am at. They don't understand that obesity is not always an affliction. Sometimes it's a barometer to measure your place in the world. A point of reference, so to speak. Not completely a bad thing.

Last night, I attended Francesca's lovely Open House. I've attended in years past; it's always been a wonderful experience. She and her boyfriend Ben have the nicest and most interesting friends. Their home is artsy and warm; not overdone. The food... ah, the food! Francesca is from Italy and her choice in cuisines reflect a true national identity (not to be confused with American Fare which is just fatty and overly sweet and a mish-mash of tastes and textures). What reason would anybody not want to attend?

Yet I was awash in panic. It seems as of late, that I screw up the most simple opportunities to interact and fit in. Exercise for example? Despite the three-to-one opinion that I should return (Therapist and two friends say I should go back, sister who understands me and my history/family pressures most believes that it's a toxic situation), I'm terrified to go back, even after having taken off a week. I'm sure that I have done something terrible there which has made the significant one treat me just horribly over the past couple of months, culminating in a week of mixed messages (maybe intentional, maybe not, maybe just all in my mind) and has left me confused and upset and a little sick to my stomach. You see, unlike in the past when I know when I've gotten angry and brought this kind of reaction on, this time, I'm not even sure exactly what happened. And then there's also the changing social strata at my spinning guild that has me confused and a little bit ill at ease. But all of this is just table dressing...

Anyway, I was very frightened to go to the party. In fact, scared to the point that even as I was driving up to their house, I was considering just turning around and leaving. "Nobody wants me there." I thought. "Nobody would miss me." And maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't. But then I thought that Francesca is a big girl. If she really didn't want me, she would just not have sent an invitation. Maybe she was ambivalent about me, or maybe she really did want me, but I had driven all the way to Glendale (a long drive) and it would be good for me to actually get out of the car. So I did.

As soon as I rang her bell and could hear Francesca call out with pleasure that somebody else was at her door, I started to feel better. And when she opened the entrance and looked pleased, my heartbeat started to return to normal. She ushered me in, and there were two women - C- and A- - sitting in her living room. I love those two gals... but with my newest insecurity in place, was not sure how they felt about me anymore. But they jumped out of their seats and ran over to hug me, admire what I was wearing (some of my own jewelry and hand spun-dyed-knit vest) and were a-chatter with the what-for's and how-to's and everything else.

We all went into the kitchen where even more old friends were. Unlike the museum trip of a number of weeks ago, I did not feel out of place. We enjoyed some fondue (which I had never had before and needed instruction on... thanks Ben!) and other exotic fare. And went into the dining room to talk.

It started out with the old friends, but most of them had to leave shortly (I arrived somewhat late). But J- stayed and she is so interesting and kind and also - I think - kind of gets where I'm coming from because she has also lost significant weight. Francesca & Ben's Personal Trainer Je- arrived, a tall, thin, beautiful amazon woman who actually remembered me from last year. And M- and R-, a lovely couple with whom I made first aquaintence were there. We all sat around the dining room table, and talked.

Again, I don't understand what happened. I was at ease, and was a frequent contributor to the conversation; not talking too little, but even more importantly, I don't think I talked too much. Je-, and everyone, was very interested in the physio-psychological dimensions of weight loss. Almost everyone there has lost weight although I have lost the most by far and it's a different psychology when you get over 300 pounds. I was able to contribute.

Then the conversation turned to the business and art of crafting. M-, as it turns out, is a silk embroidery artist who, in the last year, has been taking her work on the road and selling in craft shows. Something I would like to try dabbling in next year. She had a world of information for me, loved my work (as everyone there did!), and we exchanged contact information.

Again, I don't understand it. There are so many situations that I am extremely awkward in. Say the wrong things, do the wrong things, feel incredibly out of place. Inferior. Defective. Then there was last night when I felt ok. Ok, good. At ease. Like I belonged.

How does this work? Is it me? Is it the other people? The time, place, and luck? Why do I work well in some situations and not others? Is there a way of predicting where it's healthy for me to be and what to avoid? And if so, what is it?

What I know on an intellectual level is that I need to keep exposing myself to different scenarios and pay close attention to what happens in each. Even as the thought leaves me a little bit breathless. Maybe my gal-pals are right... I should end the break from exercise class after a week, and even if I am not well received, go and try to figure out what the dynamics are. Whether I am really doing something wrong or if it's just not a good personality match anymore.

Thank you Francesca, Ben, and friends. For the good time, the memory, and the belief that maybe, just maybe, not everything is because of my innate inabilities.

Evolution

"WHOA!" I hear you say. "What in the heck has just happened to your web site? I was just here "x" days ago and it was nothing like this!"

Yeah, very true. The look and feel of www.LauraRSilverman has changed. A great deal. "And why?" you ask. "I was just fine with it the way it was.

Well, it's kind of a long story, but here goes.

2007 has been a year of great changes for me Both for good and also some disturbing. It's been a year of incredible growth and learning opportunities. And new challenges as far as my health goes.

I originally concieved of this web site mainly in response to a traumatic event at Slimmons when I passed out during class and was kidnapped by Paramedics. Although I had kept updated medical files there, the staff - in their panic - gave the medical help old and way outdated information sheets, not realizing that not all the copies were the same. I spent almost the entire visit at the Emergency Room trying to convince the nurses and doctors that they were working with such old information that it was worse than useless... it was dangerous. For they were assuming that I was taking "X" medicines when I was now taking "Y." And the kinds of meds that I often take are often dangerous and have severe interactions with other ones. I realized after that visit that I needed a vehicle by which all I had to do was provide anyone who might witness a situation where I can't speak for myself (more frequent than I like to admit) current medical information without having to ever second guess what they had on hand. And so I got my web site. Those that potentially need my medical information know how to get to it. And no longer does anyone have to deal with multiples of paper.

In the meantime, I'm also somewhat of a writer. I've even been published a few times and may someday take the pen back up again although I'm afraid to send off query letters for fear of acceptance and -because of health issues- not being able to deliver on a deadline. I don't need a reputation of not being as good as my word. But I still have a need to express myself via the written word. Blogging was a natural course for me to follow. And so my web site became mainly an outlet for my thoughts.

Last March, I attended a fiber conference that may have changed the course of my life. I discovered a latent talent for beading and making jewelry. And much to my surprise, I also found out that people would pay for my work! And so I developed a small business in it. And decided that my web site was a good location to post my work too.

And of course, my weight loss pictures and story. I suppose, based on the amount of e-mail I get from others, I am providing some degree of comfort and hope to others who are traveling down the same road that I did. And so my web site also became a vehicle for posting pictures and motivation.

So many purposes for one little site! But a couple of things became abundantly clear as I learned about writing html code and maintaining the site. First, my audience who check my blog has grown at a rather startling rate, but it's still limited because I was not in a traditional blogging site. By that lack of connection, I have been unable to join "feeds" and increase my audience because of exposure. I long to have an impact on a bigger scale. And so I joined blogspot. I'm learning the ropes now, and hope to expose myself on a bigger scale shortly. Another writer I know has said "If you write it, they will come." We'll see about that.

I also realized that my web site had a look of 'fun and games' and was not an appropriate location to send potential clients to preview my work. Jewelry is fashion; jewelry is art. And what I had was a very servicable site, but nothing to impress. It was time to go "pretty."

If you've come here through my site, you probably noticed that it's no where near completion. Some of the pictures duplicate, many of the links are not operational yet. All that will be corrected in due time. My first priority is to re-establish access to everything that was there before. My favorite links, Fab Four pictures, weight loss story. Then I will get other items of business established. My Etsy Store where you can actually buy my work. Clips and credits from the media. And updated show of my jewelry and other items that I have learned to make.

And there are some lovely advantages to how I envision things going. First on my blog... you will be able to comment back to me on my blog. I have lived for your e-mails, but they have mostly been one-on-one responses. Now you can publish on the internet too! You will be able to see what I am working on via my artisan links and connect directly into vehicles to buy it if you like it and think that the price is right.

Because the web page is more efficient, I hope to be able to update the links on a more regular basis and keep you more in sync with what's happening. And along with the updates, I will decrease the size of the memory required to run the site and you'll be able to pull up the information more quickly and more efficiently.

I realize that I am rambling on here and I have an appointment to keep in about an hour. So I'm going to wish you adieu for the moment. I do hope that you enjoy what I am developing and will continue visiting as often as you have.

Thank you so much for your show of support!

Laura