Heart Healthy

Last Thursday, I spent an hour in Dr. Goodman's office having a Cardiac Stress Test. We were not expecting to find any heart issues; in fact, the appointment was to rule them out as the cause of another situation. In fact, that's exactly what we found. Nothing wrong with my heart.

The process started with the usual EKG and being wired for sound. Then, in came Dr. Goodman, ready to administrate the test. He had me hop on the treadmill, feet to either side of the belt. He told me that I would get tired, and in fact I should expect to be very tired. The issue would not be the speed of the machine, but the incline that it would ascend to. I was fine with that and told him that I could take anything that he wanted to dish out. "Bring it on." I said with confidence.


He flipped the switch and was immediately surprised. Apparently whoever had used the machine last had not slowed it down to the snail's pace that it was supposed to start at. I offered to hop on at the high rate, but he declined without a flinch in either expression or attitude.

Treadmill adjusted for speed, I started walking and it wasn't long before he wanted to register my BP. It's pretty rare that I get one taken when I'm walking, but I'm happy to report that it was low. (My resting & starting was 100/68; I can't remember what the first treadmill reading was.) Then, like Lucy in the chcolate factory, he announced that he was going to "speed 'er up!" and pushed the button.

Not a problem. Now the treadmill was moving at my normal walking pace and he put it on a small incline. I was happy... it was fun. And after a few minutes of this, Dr. Goodman decided to take my BP again. Normal.

A raise of the incline and an increase in speed and I was having to work for it. But only a little... way less than I might in even a standard exercise class. Dr. Goodman - who was watching my heart rate on the screen - asked me if I could go another minute or two and I answered that I could easily go five or ten or more. Again, no response. Not a flinch, not a sign of amusement.

We went awhile at that rate. My heart is apparently in good shape and it was several minutes before the beats per minute were satisfactory to measure my "stress" heart performance. Dr. Goodman again took my Blood Pressure... the final one was only 140/80. He announced that he was about to stop the machine and that I should move over to the table for the second EKG as soon as he did.

"But we're just getting started!" I protested. "Come on. I can do more!"

That's when I finally got the reaction that I was looking for. Dr. Goodman turned my way, gave me a look of exasperation, and put his hands on his hips.

"You know that this isn't Bally's, right?!" he exclaimed.

As if I wouldn't know the difference. I wouldn't have a team of trained specialists to annoy at my beck and call at Bally's.

Changes

There comes points in every person's life where they are forced to take a look at what is working for them and, more importantly, what is not. When I weighed in the mid 300s, I rarely would look at any aspect of my living condition, preferring to stay stagnant but safe. I hated the world and believed that the world hated me. I blamed everyone and everything but myself for my living condition. It's true, there were (and there remain) lots of things that are outside of my control, but what I've come to grips with is that there are just as many that should be evaluated and changed up at my own discretion. And that by changing up what I can, I can also influence my perception of(and therefore ability to live with) what I cannot.

I'm at one of those crossroads again. I've been dissatisfied for probably around six months now, but with the introduction of Cimzia into my life, it seems to have crystalized into a tangable force... something that needs to be taken action on.

It's not that I know that the Cimzia is going to work. Indeed, there have been significant changes in the way my body is functioning since I took the first injections, but they are proving to be largly inconvenient and embarassing. The "Accident" is now becoming a daily (and sometimes several times a day) phenomena. Of course that signifies an improvement in function as I am not so inflamed that my bodily systems are virtually non functioning, but it makes it hard to leave my home. Whether the drug ultimately continues to improve my functions until I do as well as the best and am in remission in six weeks remains to be seen.

But the fact is that for the first time in many years, I have hope. I may not have to live like I've been living... scared, embarassed, destitute... for much longer. If I am in remission in six weeks, I suppose that I will have to sit on the sidelines for another six months or so to make sure some of the very severe side effects that Cimzia threatens don't manifest. Things like Lupus and Lymphoma. (It took about six months for Remicade to bring out significant enough Lupus symptoms to identify.) But if they don't, I want to go back to work. Be productive. Be a contributing member of society and, at the same time, become self sufficient and not live in a medically-induced state of poverty. Maybe even make a difference. To somebody. Anybody. I have a dream.

The thing is, though, that hope does not wait to manifest itself six months down the line when the timing is appropriate. It is now. And it's influencing how I view other activities, social interactions, and people in my life. What is important; what is not. What still serves it's purpose; what does not. What do I still enjoy; what do I not.

I have to be careful when making these evaluations. Just as Auto Immune disease, when it's flaring, get's into your brain and changes how you react to given stimuli (I've often appeared and acted erratic and 'nuts' when deep inside when I knew that I was not representing myself well... it's one of those out-of-body situations that you can't help), so do the powerful chemicals that are now being released into me. Am I making rational evaluations? Or are my logic systems imparred because of the new regime? Is this really the time that I should start the process of metamorphysis and change, or would I be better served by waiting a little longer?

Any time anyone makes a significant life change, there is - and should be - a period of mixed emotions. Of fear. It keeps us alert and sharp. And I am fearful.

But I'm also determined. I cannot continue down the path as it is laid out for me right now. I may be on chemicals, I may be afraid, I may even be making some of the biggest mistakes of my life. But I need a change.

Sleepwalkers

It appears that I may be sleepwalking. I don't know for sure as I don't remember it if I have been doing so, but I've been a little suspicious of it for some six months now and a couple of weeks ago, I woke up in the morning next to a box of cereal in my bed. I asked Cosmos if he put it there; he denies it. Since he is a dog with a narrow range of tastes and Special K isn't usually included in his approved spectrum of food, I believe him.

The idea that I am up and about and don't have a clue about it is disconcerting, to say the least. It is likely a side effect of one of the regular medicines that I take - sleepwalking is so common on it that it is announced at the end of the TV commercials in that monotone "don't pay any attention to the warnings" voice of the narrator. And I am well known for having every side effect to every medication known to man. But this one is still an odd one.

What am I doing when I am up and out? Apparently eating is one of the activities. At least I think it must be. It would be a convenient excuse for my lack of weight loss in the past several months, but truthfully, when I get off of my behind and keep my food journals, my weight is where it should be based on my calories consumed. And the box of cereal in bed was closed. So I don't know for sure whether I am eating or not.




And what else am I doing? Am I walking around enough to count it as exercise? Am I walking around like a zombie with my eyes closed and my arms extended out in front of me, moaning as they do in the movies and on TV? Am I naked when I walk (Ok, it's out. I sleep in the buff) or do I put my robe on? And what if I am naked and am going outside of my condo? What if my neighbors have seen me? I don't particularly want to be friendly with them but this is not the way I want to advise them to keep their distance.

So I talked to my Therapist about it at last Wednesday's session. I had been meaning to since the cereal episode but chickened out each week because I knew that, without fail, he was going to recommend that I stop the medicine that is likely causing it and immediately. (I happen to like that medicine... one of the only ones I take that I do like.) And of course, that was his suggestion. He went so far as to leave a message on my home phone this last Friday with suggestions for alternates and also encouraged me to discuss the situation with my doctor.

At my appointment, he told me that he had other patients who experienced the same thing on the same medication. He said that they figured it out in very much the same way as me... a suspicion for a while and then an event of one sort or another that could not be denied. But when I asked him what people look like when they walk around while sleeping, he didn't know. Claiming that he had never actually seen anyone do it. So what does he know?

Here I am. Wondering. A lot. Trying to figure out which of my doctors to call... which one of them will be least likely to assume I am nuts in the head when I call them - again - about a side effect to a medicine. And who will be most likely to prescribe one of Dr. M-s suggested alternative.

I'm not going to ask them how many of their patients get dressed before walking about. But I do think it's time, just for a little while, to start wearing PJs to bed.

Fowl Play at Lake Balboa

Jonathan Livingston
Love is in the air...
My walking partner
Sentinal
Love is in the air, redux...
White Duck, White Duck, Yellow Duck.

Name that bird.
Going Vogue
Warning Sign.
Mother & Child Reunion.
Tending the flock.
A nice day for a family outing.
Dedicated to Becky, who loves all things geese.

Very Cool Animation

This is well worth the time to watch:

Lake Balboa

It's over 100 degrees out today. True to form, like the last time it was so hot out, I went to Lake Balboa to walk. But this time - in deference to the heat - without the dogs.

The lake is an established stop on the migratory route of many kinds of birds. Of course you'll find the standard ducks and geese there, but also more exotic species such as cranes and herons, pelicans and seagulls (what on earth are they doing so far inland?), and all sorts of other birds that I couldn't begin to identify without a birding book. There were people there feeding them... on a Thursday, they're generally hungry and will accept most kinds of food where on a Sunday afternoon when they've spent virtually the entire weekend gorging themselves, they're way more picky. My favorite scene was a mother and daughter with a large flock of geese around them eating Kelloggs Corn Flakes. I was tempted to join the geese as I haven't had a corn flake in many-a-year.

I decided that, without the dogs to slow me down, that I was going to do the circuit twice. That would be an approximately two mile walk and, according to my pedometer, around 300 calories burned. The first circuit was easy... despite the heat I was fresh. But coming round to where my car was parked, I had a momentary flash that I'd rather go home than do it again. I ignored it and forged on.

That's when I realized my mistake. I should have brought a bottle of water along with me and perhaps even an apple. I'll have to remember that the next time. As it was, I opted when I was feeling a little dehydrated, to sit under a tree (farther away from the water and away from the birds who had forsaken the water for the shade of the trees in the midday) and take in the peacefulness.

When I decided to continue, it was lunchtime and there were many groups engaged in picnic activities. A group of seniors from who knows where? A school. A group of school bus drivers. A group of Japanese ladies on a blanket right by the water, eating sushi with chopsticks.

There were also the fitness nuts. Many of them jogged right by me despite the heat, oblivious to it all with their Ipods strapped on their arms. They were all very young and fit.

There were also a lot of pairs of young men filming. In their late teens or early twenties, I couldn't help but think that they must be working on some college project or another. It is, after all, mid May when they would be working on "term papers" and such. With all the entertainment based colleges in Los Angeles, it would make sense that I would run into this kind of activity.

Walking gave me a lot of time to think about physical activity and my future. I'm at a crossroads right now. Trying to decide what is right about my pursuits and what can be improved upon or changed. I know that it's time to shake things up a bit. I also know that although I really liked today's walk, it is not something that I can reasonably expect myself to do on a regular basis. It's too solitary and since I'm home alone a lot of the time any, I crave human contact.

But I'm guessing that I may be able to pursue it a couple of times a week.

Applesauce Pie

A semi-healthy dessert featuring one of my very favorite fruits... Apples!

Start by making the Applesauce. (Note, this pie recipe will also work by buying a jar of your favorite brand.)

Applesauce

1. Peel and Core Apples (For today's recipe, I used six Granny Smith.)

2. Cube and put into pot with about one inch of water.

3. Add sweetner of choice and cinnamon to taste. (I like to use raw sugar.)

4. Boil apples until very soft.

5. Turn off heat, use wisk to turn apples into sauce.


6. Cool.

Applesauce Pie.

1. Start with a pre-fab grahmn cracker crust from the market. (You know, that dried out ol' thing in the pie tin you get in the baking section. Today's creation is a "Keebler" crust and everyone knows that it's the best. Not because it tastes any different than other pre-fab grahmn cracker crusts, but because it's made by elves who live in a hollow tree.)

2. Pour cooled applesauce into crust. Top with more cinnamon if you desire.

3. Refrigerate until liquid in applesauce permeates crust and apple portion is firm.

4. Serve.