Heart Healthy

Last Thursday, I spent an hour in Dr. Goodman's office having a Cardiac Stress Test. We were not expecting to find any heart issues; in fact, the appointment was to rule them out as the cause of another situation. In fact, that's exactly what we found. Nothing wrong with my heart.

The process started with the usual EKG and being wired for sound. Then, in came Dr. Goodman, ready to administrate the test. He had me hop on the treadmill, feet to either side of the belt. He told me that I would get tired, and in fact I should expect to be very tired. The issue would not be the speed of the machine, but the incline that it would ascend to. I was fine with that and told him that I could take anything that he wanted to dish out. "Bring it on." I said with confidence.


He flipped the switch and was immediately surprised. Apparently whoever had used the machine last had not slowed it down to the snail's pace that it was supposed to start at. I offered to hop on at the high rate, but he declined without a flinch in either expression or attitude.

Treadmill adjusted for speed, I started walking and it wasn't long before he wanted to register my BP. It's pretty rare that I get one taken when I'm walking, but I'm happy to report that it was low. (My resting & starting was 100/68; I can't remember what the first treadmill reading was.) Then, like Lucy in the chcolate factory, he announced that he was going to "speed 'er up!" and pushed the button.

Not a problem. Now the treadmill was moving at my normal walking pace and he put it on a small incline. I was happy... it was fun. And after a few minutes of this, Dr. Goodman decided to take my BP again. Normal.

A raise of the incline and an increase in speed and I was having to work for it. But only a little... way less than I might in even a standard exercise class. Dr. Goodman - who was watching my heart rate on the screen - asked me if I could go another minute or two and I answered that I could easily go five or ten or more. Again, no response. Not a flinch, not a sign of amusement.

We went awhile at that rate. My heart is apparently in good shape and it was several minutes before the beats per minute were satisfactory to measure my "stress" heart performance. Dr. Goodman again took my Blood Pressure... the final one was only 140/80. He announced that he was about to stop the machine and that I should move over to the table for the second EKG as soon as he did.

"But we're just getting started!" I protested. "Come on. I can do more!"

That's when I finally got the reaction that I was looking for. Dr. Goodman turned my way, gave me a look of exasperation, and put his hands on his hips.

"You know that this isn't Bally's, right?!" he exclaimed.

As if I wouldn't know the difference. I wouldn't have a team of trained specialists to annoy at my beck and call at Bally's.