A Big Hand for Eric

Eric & I planned to get together today, mostly just to be together and to do our respective marketing, but at 11 am (when we were supposed to meet), I got a phone call from him. Gabby, his ten-year-old daughter was sick and home from school. Not really sick enough to be condemned to bed, but just enough to accompany him to my home. Was that OK? Well, we quickly determined that she was likely not contagious, so I gave the go-ahead and they showed up shortly thereafter.

I am still very weak, and having done my laundry before their arrival, I was pretty-much done. Gabby entertained herself, Eric busied himself on the computer, and I lay in bed complaining about my current state of affairs. But after a couple of hours of this, the bottom line was it was lunch time, I was hungry, Gabby was hungry, and Eric could eat. I suggested that we just run over to Gelsons (a local upscale market with all sorts of in-store eating amenities) and then go next door to Vons for shopping from there. They both agreed.

We each got what we wanted to eat (Eric a sandwich, Gabby had a trip through the salad bar, and I had sushi) and sat down in their cafe section for lunch. Then Gabby needed to run up the stairs for the ladies room which conveniently were located about 10 feet from where we were sitting. Eric gave her permission to go ahead and she was gone and back in a flash.

As she settled back in, I eyed the great pile of Halloween Candy located right between the front door of the store and the Cafe, and suddenly a memory of my father jumped into my mind. To make a long story short, he used to taunt my little sister L- about a hand that would come out of the toilet when you would sit down to go and pull you under. I couldn't resist. I asked Gabby if "the hand" had tried to grab her.

She gave me a very sceptical look like she was saying "Yeah, right." and didn't reply. I insisted that Gelsons installs one in the toilet every Halloween for that very purpose. Gabby looked at the Halloween Display and then at me, not believing me in the least, but at least willing to listen. And Eric took it from there.

"Did you know that the Hand usually pinches people's bottoms, but only started grabbing them a year or two ago?" he asked the quizzical Gabby. "But originally, it would bypass the bottoms all together and go right for your pants pocket to steal your wallet."

At this point, Gabby was hooked. "Wouldn't the money get wet?" she asked.

Eric ignored her question. "Do you know what that Hand would buy with all of the money that it stole?" he asked her. "Gloves. Gloves are the only thing that a hand would ever have any use for." (I decided not to point out that a hand could also use rings. An occasional manicure. Or maybe Hand Lotion) I replied that the Hand was ripped off every time it made a purchase because "a" hand would only need one glove, but they are always sold in pairs.

He went on. "The Hand is the saddest thing on earth. It finally gave up stealing wallets and moved on to pinching bottoms. And do you know why the Hand is always so sad?"

Gabby shook her head no. We were both waiting with baited breath for the answer.

Eric looked very grave. He lowered his voice; he lowered his eyes. And he answered his own question softly. "Everybody always wants the one thing that they can't have. The Hand is always sad because it can never clap."

Gabby tried it out, clapping her hands. We pointed out that she used two hands and the hand only had one. She batted at the air with only her left hand a couple of times, I choked back a chuckle, and we went on to discuss other business of the day.