I feel like eating? I'm eating what I feel like. I feel like taking the boys for a walk, I'm about to take them. I feel like not answering the phone? Don't bother calling... I won't pick up.
I've spent the better part of the afternoon at my spinning wheel. Brainless, methodical action. Not requiring a lot of energy which I am still lacking, but productive none-the-less. I just finished an eight ounce skein of gorgeous merino-silk yarn; started spinning the little bit of beautiful hand painted wool/silk varigated blue roving left over from last year's adventure taping a segment of "That's Clever" for HGTV. Before you ask, no, I never contacted them to see when the episode is going to air. I really should get around to it sometime soon as it's probably airing right now and I don't know it.
I tried an experiment on the Richard Simmons Clubhouse bulletin boards where I would post my daily challenges and goals, my food plans, and my daily weight. It got away from me and it became about the respondants and sordid stories of their past. In detail. Of wagging penises and exposed buttocks. Man bashing at it's best.
I understand the need to vent about the past and air dirty laundry, but not on my time. I don't understand what it is about me that brings out this side of people, but need to reflect on it. Everything in it's proper time and place is fine, but why on my time?
I do not have the strength to carry others through their personal issues. I don't really have the strength to carry myself, but I'm making it anyway. I don't understand what happened over there and wonder about it. I did not post details of my past, instead I tried to focus on the here-and-now and how I am strategizing to get to where I want to be. What made them think that their kinds of responses were of support to me?
What is with people? Why is it so important to drag everyone down to the lowest common denominator? I know what kind of yarn I've been spinning this afternoon. What kind of yarns to the others want seen as their legacy?
5 comments:
I have so many thoughts on why they did what they did but I am probably being negative right now and that is not best for you..Thanks for the warning not to call. I was seriously thinking of doing that tonight..
You are in my thoughts..Enjoy your spinning wheel, and the product of your love and care being woven into the strands of fiber you hold.
I think some people are so entrenched in the abuses in their past that everything centers around it like some kind of OCD. I really get so tired of some of the people in the clubhouse that just obsess on the same long-ago ill. Everybody has their past, if your past is bringing you down that much, personally I think they need professional, face to face help. That is not what the clubhouse is for. We are not trained professionals. We are simply people struggling to find out own way while encouraging others to find theirs.
My dear friend Laura,
You say "I dont know what it is about "me" that brings out this side of people.....my friend, its not about YOU. You do not cause people to act selfishly. Its not your fault how some people act. We are all only responsable for our own actions. Some people are so lonely, so mixed up, haven't gotten professional help(or enough of it) or just plain crazy....this big ol' world is full of them. Im sorry that a few spoiled what you had started. A thread where you opened up, shared your struggles to just shed some light and maybe help someone else. Im offended by those who know its your thread, admit it yet still go on and on about their life struggle. Why not start one of their own I asked myself....maybe cuz they need to ride the shirt tails of someone who is so loved as you Laura ! I hope you keep writing but I'll understand if you dont. (sign) I hope they dont come here with their thoughtlessness. Defend this like a lioness with her cub! ((((Laura)))
Becky
I don't know what happened, but having lurked for years on Weight Watchers message boards I think I can guess. As Becky just said, it's not you; it's them. You publicize something about your journey and it reminds another about something about their journey. Unfortunately, the other person's experience is a negative one, and it is human nature to pipe up with "me, too!" Do the best you can to ignore the negativity. Your plan to do as you please sounds for the time being like a great one!
janet
It had nothing to do with you, Kiddo. It was all about them and their undying need to be the center of attention. Forget it and don't let it bother you. Don't sweat the small stuff and it doesn't get any smaller that this.
I love you. You are fab.
Claudia
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