Such An Animal

The day before Eric & I left for Cambria (yes, I know, I owe you a whole series of posts still on the subject), I stopped by Macy's lingerie department. There I purchased three camisoles; one of them an animal print.

Animal print clothing is really outside of the box for me. I've learned over the years, though, that while stepping outside of the box is a scary thing, it's necessary for personal growth. Yes, dear readers, buying a camisole that day became an act of good faith in my future.

The future was bright. I wore that camisole on the first day of our vacation, and Eric liked it very much. I kind of liked it too. It was different.

* * *

Fast forward three weeks to last Friday. Eric & I were leaving Valley Produce. (Ok. Shut up. I know I owe you a post on that topic too - lol!) As we were waiting to pull out onto Vanowen Ave., we silently watched two ladies walk down the sidewalk and in front of our car. I pointed out to Eric that they were both wearing animal print tops, thinking in my mind that it was cool that I was wearing mine too. He replied by stating that all the thousand-year-old women at his Mother's Senior Retirement Village dress the same way.

So now I need your opinion. Wearing animal print clothing. Is it cool or is it only for very old ladies?

Musical Cars

Many of you know about the issue of replacing L-'s (youngest siter) car. For a week, Mom & I gyrated between buying her a late-model used car, or perhaps buying me Eric's old Lexus SUV and giving her mine. In the end, Eric's Lexus seemed to be a bad deal so he and I agreed that he will fix it up and sell it to strangers, and I was back to helping Mom pick the "perfect" car for Lisa. That ended happily last Saturday (for everyone but Mom who had to pay for the car) with a low milage 2004 Toyota Corolla, really pretty, at the right price, and very highly rated by Consumer Reports.

In the meantime, I was preparing my car for transfer. I had it washed, and I made arrangements to get it a 90K tune up (at 102K miles, mind you). A couple of months ago, I had Joe, my mechanic, look under the hood and fix everything he could find wrong. He replaced belts, an axel boot, lights, and other assorted stuff. Some of the new belts made noise after installation, and I asked him at the time of the tune up to address that too. Not a problem.

But there WAS a problem. There was one screeching noise that occured when I was driving the car and I turned the air conditioner on. I-forgot-who advised me that this issue was a belt, and so I thought it would be fixed on Friday. Wrong. It turned out to be my air conditioner's compresser. It is going to cost another $700 to replace; something that I was not willing to do to my car given that I had already invested over $1100 into it over the past eight weeks, and the blue book value according to one internet site is only $4000.

I queried Joe for several minutes about the situation. "No," he said. "You will not start an engine fire if you drive your car with a faulty compressor. You will not end up on the side of the road, either. The only thing that will happen with a bad compressor is that it is going to get noisier and noisier, but even the air conditioner will probably not fail. You can drive your car like it is until you make a decision on fixing or selling it."

And so I decided to wait a month or two to see if anything else goes wrong with the car. Never mind the fact that since the tune-up, it drives like it's brand new and the gas milage has improved quite a bit. I still intend to wait at least until June.

Now, here's where I need your active participation in this post. Please, starting right now, think the shark-attack tune of "Jaws" in your head. You know it. Duh duh. Duh duh. Duh duh. Duh duh.

Duh duh, Duh duh, duh duh, duh duh... etc. I bet you're trying hard not to hum it out loud.

Ok, we're all together now. Let's go on.

I've driven my car quite a bit since the issue of the air was revealed to me. I know that without fail, that noise is going to happen the second I turn my air conditioner on. I know it. I know it from experience. I know it because Joe assured me that it wouldn't go away.

I also know that as long as I don't turn the air on, it won't happen. But that's not possible.

Something comes over me when I get into the driver's seat. Before I knew what was wrong, if it was hot, I'd turn my air on and hope the noise was dim or didn't occur. If it was cool, I didn't need air at all and so I didn't use it.

But now. Now. Now I know that, without fail, if I push the button... THE button, I will cause my engine to squeel. Does that make me not push the button? No. It makes me want to push the button more.


Instructions to reader: Increase the volume of the Jaws theme in your head now.

I feel the urge to push the button pretty-much as soon as I turn the ignition key. Never mind that it is 60 degrees outside; freezing according to Los Angeles weather standards. I haven't even backed out of my parking spot yet when I push the button. Then I test the situation three, four, maybe five separate times in the next three blocks. With exactly the same response.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Well, that's not exactly true. I do know what I'm going to do. I'm going to drive that car until I can't stand the noise anymore, or until I get an infusion of cash. Whichever comes first. Then I'm going to fix it. It's value may only be $4000, but the truth is that if it can carry me for several more years, it's priceless. Nothing has happened to that car that would be unexpected (except by me) for a vehicle of it's age and mileage. It owes me nothing and in fact, as Joe put it, "is a good car."

But I don't know what I'm going to do over the next couple weeks while I agonize about the situation. Today and tomorrow it's supposed to be cool. But Wednesday? Wednesday is supposed to be warm. 90 degree warm. Too hot to drive around without air.

I know that my air conditioner will work. I know that I will not set the car on fire by using it. I know that I will not be stranded at the side of the road. Joe promised me this; I have a 15 year relationship over three cars with him. If he says it, it's true.

But right now, except for emotionally, pushing the button is optional. On Wednesday, it becomes mandatory.

Final reader instruction. As I push the button, stop playing "Jaws" in your head. Switch, instead, to the stabbing music in Psycho. That is what my engine sounds like.

The Domino Effect

Amongst other things, I've been working on the appearance of my web site. I've learned a number of neat tricks over the past several months including taking this picture:

and turning it into this:


My 'new and improved' website is still in progress. There are issues of font, both color and size as well as what happens to the links when you click on them. I am not the most expert writer of html code; I'm learning.

But the real issue for me is when you actually do click on the links. Where I have updates, what they go to (read 'click on "My Gallery") is fine. But most of the old links still lead to where they used to, and with the new web site look, I can see that I am going to have to revise the links too. Including the format of this blog. Otherwise the transition is way too jarring.

Oy. I have so much actual jewelry-making to do. But appearance is everything. And a web site is a first impression. It's time to go more professional.

Trunk Show

Just when I think it's time to go into 'despair' mode, something usually occurs to me that makes me laugh. Today was no exception. I have a case of the giggles.

The idea of taking Eric's Lexus off of his hands is dead. Apparently it's break-down on the side of the freeway, an hour after it passed both it's Used Car Check as well as its Smog Test is not unusual. That make and model car is known for the failure of their transmissions. Even though Eric is having it replaced at Club Lexus (I'll blog about that after we visit again and I get pictures... you wouldn't believe it!), that kind of failure is not something that I can live with. We're back to shopping for cars strictly for Lisa. Oy. Vey.

Anyway, while potentially owning the Lexus - a SUV type vehicle, I had a fantasy. Richard has his Fall Retreat this October (they don't know that they're having it at this point), I show up with a whole host of Jewelry and Accessories in the back on a beautiful display, advertise it with specific operating hours (between Richard's classes and events), and make enough money to attend the retreat myself. A very good plan if I have to say so myself. But I will not be owning the Lexus or any other SUV. I'm sticking with my Nissan Altima.

Then, on the way down to Slimmons it occured to me. Make displays in the trunk of my car. Line it with satin, put raised displays and tables in the trunk and around the back of the car. And advertise the event as a "real" trunk show. How can It lose?

I personally think it would be a great idea.

Shrinking My Brain

I'm just home from Dr. M-, and we talked a good deal about what I blogged on yesterday. He thinks that my issue is I'm putting myself last in line in deference to the needs of others. He thinks I need to take a time out from the phone and social contact.

It's weird. In a way I agree with him. It's hard to argue when I feel like I did when I used to work, pushing myself so hard even though I can feel myself physically failing. I don't know how noticable my fatigue is yet, but I can tell something big and bad is going to happen soon if I don't slow down.

On the other hand, how do I stop? How do I say "no" to the clearly urgent needs of others? And how do I say no to myself when I am putting myself in harms way?

Until last year when I got sick, I knew how to do it. I seem to have forgotten where I put that skill.

Running Close to Empty

It seems that the more opportunity that comes my way, the more I do. The last week has been crazy-busy and I hope is going to slow down soon. Never mind that there is no sign of it... I can still hope.

In the meantime, over the past week, I've dealt with the demise of Lisa's car and my mother's emotional reaction to it. I've dealt with new-car shopping, making the ultimate decision that I will take Eric's Lexus and send my car onto Lisa, getting ERic's car use-car checked today, only to have it drop dead during his drive home. Arranged for my own car to be tuned up on Friday before turning it over to Lisa; had the belts tightened today, had it smog checked and registered yesterday.

Attended my GLASG meeting on Saturday; showed my jewelry publicly there for the first time ever. Then was invited to share in a booth on Sunday to show again, and spent the entire day outside. A great learning experience but tiring.

Watched and dealt with Cosmos's health slipping. I've increased his IV schedule to two days on and a one day break. He gets significant numbers of pills three times a day. IN addition, Sunny gets pills two times a day and eye drops three times a day.

Eric's family has brought lice home from school again. Eric is dealing with the majority of the issue, but I am trying to arrange for Gabby to get a cute short hair-cut from a real salon. She's a girl. It's a shame she has to lose her beautiful hair, but at least she will look good in the process.

My diet is going to hell. I see how well Angie is doing; Vennie is really back on track too. I, on the other hand, keep putting myself in situations where I am bound to eat and then I do. All the wrong stuff, too. I don't know if this is classic stress-eating, a phase where I just don't give a damn about what I stuff in my mouth, or the fact that I am so tired. Any one of them alone would cause me to deviate and I ahve a feeling that my issue is some combination of the three.

I'm also still recovering from last week's Cimzia shot, but my Crohns symptoms are starting to get bigger. When Eric & I had lunch out today, my benign choice burned the heck out of my tongue. Sure sign of fissures developing again. I hate that. And no, it may hurt to put things into my mouth, but it doesn't stop me from eating.

I'm also still trying to attend exercise class as much as I can; Uncle Al is in the hospital and I'm listening to my mother stress over that, and I just can't remember what else.

I'd like to take a nap just about now but I need to change the sheets on my bed. Then leave for Exercise Class.

I'm tired.

A Conversation with Ian

I had the opportunity to speak with 9-year-old Ian on the phone last night. As usual, the conversation turned to our respective pets.

"And how is Tribble?" I asked him. Tribble is his very ancient rabbit.

"Tribble is fine." Ian replied. "He is very old though. He is old enough to be a grandpa."

"Oh I think Tribble is older than that," I said. "Trible is old enough to be a great great great great great grandpa! But I don't think he has any babies. He's just like Cosmos. Cosmos doesn't have any children either."

"Really?!" Ian responded. "Cosmos doesn't have any puppies?"

"No Ian. Cosmos never had children."

Ian was quick to retort, "Why didn't Cosmos have children with Sunny?"

"Well, Cosmos and Sunny are both boys. They can't have children together." I didn't want to mention the neutering aspect at this point.

"Aunt Laura," Ian replied with a slight caustic tone in his voice, "Haven't you ever heard of Gay Marriage?" (Gay Marriage? Ian, you're nine! What do you know about this subject???)

"Yes I have, Ian." I said. "But I've never heard of Gay Childbirth."

Ian was quick to counter that point. "What about the pregnant man?"

I gave in. There was no way I was going to explain that one to a 9-year-old.

* * * * *

Later, I spoke to Adele / Mommy about the conversation. She does not know where Ian heard about any of this. But she says that he does watch the news fairly regulary. He particularly enjoys the BBC. That would explain a lot.